. : hazerq's anatomy : .

Unresolved.

2011-12-21T14:19:00.004+10:30

[Good Life - One Republic]

I had just crossed the finish line for my Veronica Mars marathon (all 3 seasons) yesterday and I cannot believe they end the season (AND the entire series) like that! Are you frikkin kidding me? Can somebody pleaaaseee make a disclosure episode or something? Seriously. I hate it when they do that, the leaving-things-like-this-for-your-own-interpretation stuff. Yeah, I'm such an Asian, I know. I'm one of those kids who write down the answers on the question papers in exams and bring back those question papers home so I can check the answers. Be it good or bad, I feel settled when I get disclosures. I like the phrase "I know this is coming" more than "I didn't expect that".

Oh, and not that I lack imagination, though. My imaginations can go wild, trust me.
For example, back in this townhouse I lived in during my university days, I imagined the fridge in the kitchen above my bedroom crushing my head in my sleep if there happens to be an earthquake because it's located parallel to my bed. I also imagined the dishwasher and oven doing the same thing after relocating my bed. (I then settled with having to stare at the bottom of the fridge whenever I close my eyes in my bed, because my imagination said the fridge is lighter than the other two)
Why hadn't I thought about the possibility of the concrete floor smashing me first?
Because that would be too mainstream, of course. Come on, where's your imagination?

Oookay that actually explains more about me being paranoid than imaginative, doesn't it? Well.
*ehem*
So forget about the example.

My imagination can go wild, trust me. Period.

Mushy Monday.

2011-12-19T12:59:00.007+10:30

You know what happens when you're 23?
The first question that comes to other people's mind when they see you is "So when are you getting married?"
Tip: Tomorrow is always the best answer.

You know what other things happen when you're 23?
You forget where you parked your car. Spend half an hour blindly looking for it, while fighting with your pounding headache and burning a few calories along the way.

You know what's great about being 23?
You get to see the true meaning of "a friend in need is a friend indeed".

Rawr~

2011-11-22T23:30:00.003+10:30

Congratulations, Harimau Muda for winning the gold medal at the 2011 SEA Games! It was a very intense and nerve wrecking game to watch, though I must say, the equalizer goal from Asra & the penalty shootout from Baddrol were kinda funny to me, seeing how both times, the ball golek2 its way through the goal posts. Haha.

Nevertheless, they're still awesome!

Anyway. In regard to the game yesterday, though I have a lot to rant about, I'm just gonna say a few things today. Because... well... because I'm just lazy like that.

So, for one thing, whenever the young Garudas approached our home, I wanted to sing this one particular cheer song from high school so badly!

"defend, defend, defend sama depa, defend sama depa sampai depa pening kpala"

*pls sing it dalam loghat utagha sambil tepuk2 tangan*

(I forgot which house this cheer song belongs to though...)

But, well, I wasn't with my girls yesterday and I'm pretty sure my brothers would scream SHUT UP before I even reach "depa". So yeah. I only sang it in my heart, and in case you haven't already figured it out, my singing totally worked! Their defense, although not the best we've seen, were quite good, and I believe many people can see how hard they worked to guard our home that day. Right? Right. Good job boys!

Another thing is, well, we all know Fakri did badly yesterday, yes, that's a fact. But his parents-given name has got nothing to do with how badly he played yesterday. Seriously. Those who changed the spelling of his name to something that nobody wants to be called as, well, a big shame on you! Really. That's not what we call creative honey, that's just plain childish. We aren't in primary school anymore, ya know. *tut tut*

(If you still are, well, shame on you for learning such a bad word at such a young age!)

Anyway. A little shout out to all the other Malaysian athletes.

Congratulations to all the medalists! You guys may not receive attention as great as the soccer players do, but you guys are equally awesome okay! Have fun with the coming incentives! :)

Tetris wrath.

2011-11-21T13:28:00.006+10:30

[basket case - greenday]

My overthinking syndrome is so bad, I even think too much while playing tetris battle on facebook.
Which is obviously the main reason why I always lose, since tetris battle (unlike tetris friends) tests you more on speed rather than, I don't know, strategy?

...
Oh shit, there's no place to put square!
Shit.
Em, what's the skip button again?
Emmmmmmm. Shift!
Yes, shift. Why do I always forget that?
*clicking shift button*
*T-piece comes in*
Okay now where should I put you? If I put you here, I can kill more rows... but if I put you here... shitttt!
Why attack me now?!!! Dammit!
It's okay it's okay I can still win this.
He's only *checks his score* 9 rows ahead, anddd *checks time* 40secs to go...
*fixfix*
Nooo, I don't need you now reverse S-piece, I need the long piece for god's sa... oh mannnnn...
*times's up*
*you lose*
...

Seriously? Tetris god, what did I ever do to deserve your wrath? Why won't you give me the pieces that I need at the right time? Seriously!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

2011-10-21T14:10:00.002+10:30

In the famous case of the kid who got rolled by motorvehicles twice, and sadly, shamely ignored by 18 passersby, of course, we cannot help but question the existence of our humanity value.
Where does humanity stand today? Is it in the same category as chivalry - dead?

My say, fix the law. Laws are supposed to make us more civilized. If the existence of law makes us more inhumane, I believe the time has come for change to take place.

patience.

2011-10-19T12:01:00.002+10:30

[King of Anything - Sara Bareilles]

In the past week, I learned that having an abundant lot of patience is necessary for (especially) stressed people.
Patience keeps us at peace. We lose our patience, we lose our peace.
And peace keeps us sane.
Simple equation, yet often we ended up with not-equal-to-sane, usually because keeping the first variable positive isn't an easy job.

I also learned that our patience comes in a quota. The moment the word "wait" got registered in our head, our patience meter starts running.
Another thing is that we only have one general quota for everything. What I mean to say is, we don't have quota by sections - 10 hours waiting for pizza delivery per week, another 100 waiting for the boyfriend to come pick us up, etc. Once we've used up say, 49% of our quota waiting for the video to frikkin' buffer, we only have 51% patience left for everything else, including waiting for your brother to finish using the bathroom, and waiting for the clock to turn 5.30pm every weekday.

I failed to keep my equation positive last week. I pretty much snapped at things that used to didn't matter. Kudos to Microsoft Excel for that, since 93% of my patience for the week went to you.
But I still love you, Excel. (I have a love-hate relationship with this dude. He has helped me with so much, yet there are times things didn't work out so well with him...)
Please don't think I'm crazy.

Anyways. Alhamdulillah, thank god that is all over and done with now. I have my sane equation back to positive this week. :)

Careful what you wish for.

2011-09-30T12:23:00.006+09:30

[Turning Tables - Adele]

Unbeknownst to some people, I have this little perfectionist trait in me. It often contradicts with my other traits; it usually doesn't get along well with my well-known trait - inconsistency.

One example; when in school, we scribble notes and do exercises in notebooks, right? Okay. On some normal, non-perfectionist days, if I make a mistake, like normal students do, I'd cover it up with a liquid paper. Some other days, I'd rip that page out and started scribbling the same thing again on a new page. Some horrible, perfectionist days, I'd take out a new notebook, and started to write the same things, from page one to the page that I was unsatisfied about.

And I'm telling you, that is actually not so bad.

The worst thing was that if I find my handwriting were not consistent or if I messed up my colour coding; I'd start a new book. I don't even have a nice handwriting to begin with, I just need them to be consistent. The problem is, if I were to put it in proportional terms, my consistency trait is much much much smaller in comparison to that of perfectionist.

This is actually nothing compared to perfection vs. lazy.

But anyways, that's not my point. In this entry, I want to point out that in general, I don't like mistakes (of my own). If I could get rid of them, I would. I definitely would. (Who wouldn't, right?) But mistakes in life aren't that easy to erase. We don't have a life eraser. If we don't like someone or something, we can't just take out our eraser/liquid paper or click the delete button and simply erase him/her/that thing out of our lives. The same goes to our memory; we can't simply delete those memories we don't want to remember. Our memory doesn't come with a delete button.

So in the mean time, all we can do is to live through that mistake. Time will take care of it. And just hope that someday, all things we don't want to remember will fade into dusts. And we'll be able to blow them away.

Undone.

2011-09-19T18:14:00.004+09:30

[Make you feel my love - Adele]

Two bicycles got into an accident. One was greatly damaged; the other had some minor scratches. Although majority would say the blame should fall on the latter bicycle, that bicycle ignored all accusations and didn't even care about giving any kind of compensation.

Having been ignored by the better survived bicycle, the greatly damaged bicycle got itself fixed slowly over time. Scratches covered by new paint, broken parts replaced new, some modifications made here and there. No more visible signs that it had once been in an accident.

The other bicycle, however, didn't even bother to have anything fixed.
"It's only a minor scratch. No matter".
What it failed to realize is that even minor scratches, if left unattended, could lead to rusts. Only when the rusts have consumed a large surface area of the frame that it realized that the thing it needed most, is a fixing.

go away.

2011-09-04T22:53:00.005+09:30

the problem with me is i hate to face them.

i run away from them.

i tried my best not to think about them.

but they always come running back.

always.

and that is when i cry, for that's the only way i know.

ya Allah. give me the strength. i can't do this on my own.

one more sec, pls.

2011-08-25T11:13:00.003+09:30

[Penakut - Yuna]

All it takes was just an eye contact, followed by a smile. That one mere second lit up the fire.

Fair enough, the fire will die out. But that's no reason not to enjoy it while it lasts. :)

"I'm still not ready"

2011-08-23T17:57:00.004+09:30

[Don't You Remember - Adele]

A serious note to self, a soft reminder to others.

Why, is the answer always "I'm still not ready" when someone invites us to do something good? So WHEN is the time that we are going to actually be READY?
Blinded by the very common misconception that death is closer when we're old than young (familiar with "rumah kata pergi, kubur kata mari"?), and also the assumption that we use every single day -assuming we are confirmed alive the next day-, comes that "I'm still not ready" phrase.
What if, destined that we're not granted a 'tomorrow'? Are we ready for that? If we plead for another day, for the reason that "I'm still not ready", will it be granted? Is another day enough to repent for all the "I'm still not ready"s?

By this day next week, Syawal is predicted to have taken over Ramadhan. How time flies. Will the changes that have just been made be changed back in the presence of those who were caged in this holy month? Let's hope not.
Ya Allah, please bless me with the present of Istiqamah, for I am lacking so much in that area (amongst other things).

yes. no. maybe.

2011-08-04T14:28:00.005+09:30

[Best Thing I Never Had - Beyonce]

The heart is like a metal toy.
You can choose to play with it, or put it to rest.

If you choose to let it see the world, you'd expose it to the risk of the toy being broken. Chances are, another person who plays with your toy will break it. Because usually, we don't break our own toy. We know just how precious our toy is.

If you think you can't risk having your toy broken, most probably you'd store it in a place where it's very hard for people to reach it. A place where you think the toy is at its safest place. Or so you thought. Just when you thought the time has come for you to play with your toy, rust have already eaten up the surface. And when you touch it, the rusts all came crumbling down. If you're lucky, you'll still have the remaining parts. If luck decided not to be on your side this time, then you're only left with, well, the rusts.

So then what do we do? Take the risk of it being broken, or of it being rusty?

well. back to monday.

2011-08-01T12:46:00.006+09:30

Today's morning news are, to me, very funny.

David Copperfield is threatening to crush Rowling with the statue of Liberty, claiming that Harry Potter is actually a true story of his life. Hahah. Well, you be the judge. Here's the link to the magician's video proving his stance:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2020600/David-Copperfield-threatens-crush-Harry-Potter-author-JK-Rowling-Statue-Liberty.html

And Mr Goalkeeper is no longer Miss Nice Fingers' MIA (My Incik Apex)? Hahah. I'm so sorry that was so mean, I was not suppose to laugh. But really, we can't fight the fact that one person's sorrow could be another's happiness. Pretty sure this sad news to them comes as a great one to some others. Not to me, though... really.

But his goalkeeping skill is so handsome! hee.

because today's a friday. :)

2011-07-29T17:51:00.006+09:30

[Set Fire to the Rain - Adele]

Do not underestimate the power of PMS.

One wrong step is all it takes to crush a month's time built happiness.
Things that didn't matter yesterday, or the days before, started to haunt the head for further analysis today. In which most people would normally respond to as "You think too much!"

Today I felt strange. One part of me is trying to run its monthly duty of pulling the gloomy cloud over my head, but I could hear this other part of me saying "Hold on first, not now. Don't get trapped now". I believe the latter part understands how important it is to have a stable emotional health during budget preparation month.

Yes. That cruel, time eating monster is back.
Mr Budget, whose middle name is Busy. or Bitch. I don't remember which.

------------

That was composed about two weeks ago. We had just submitted our data to HQ yesterday, and my superior is also on maternity leave starting the same day. Thank god she finished her part for budget on time!

So today's a good friday. Because it's friday, and we've submitted our data on time, and Jpn have yet to bug us to revise our data. There are only a few more forms to be submitted today, and the progress is looking quite goood. :)

Finally. Friday. hee. I LOVE Fridays. :)

never again.

2011-06-13T20:56:00.002+09:30

sometimes a person may not express what they truly feel, fearing the aftermath of doing the opposite may not be worth it.
most of the time, accumulating them all inside is almost always much less hurtful.

but we all have limits, dont we?

too many broken parts, where should i start?

2011-06-05T23:36:00.004+09:30

[never gonna leave this bed - maroon 5]

ohhhh my god i cannot wait for the nineteen-years-later part in harry potter and the deathly hallows on screen!!!
now i can declare myself as one of the many many many fans of j.k. rowling's hands down awesome fiction!
and for now, i'll be back to my obsession with korean variety shows and detective conan. until i can find another great book to read. i'm thinking of chick lit this time. coz it's been a long time since the last one. yea. now that i think of it, unconciously, the genres are taking turns. before j.k. rowling, i had jodi picoult's tearful read - house rules (revolves around this one boy with asperger's, which i think resembles sheldon cooper so much - it started this whole sorry feeling i have towards the very annoying sheldon on screen). and before that, i think i read dan brown's serious adventure, the lost symbol. actually i was thinking of reading something about hitler, i was curious about him since my second last semester in uni, i think it was during one of those nights i spent in the uni library (hahahha yea i just had to remind myself how funny this sounds) i came across a book about him. but because there were more important things to be read at that time, and when there was no more serious reading to be made, i was too occupied with having fun in the means of something other than reading - i ended up forgetting about this curiosity. and now the curiosity's back.
time to hit the bookstore again.

and oh its also time to change the contents of my itunes. its been playing the same tunes since 2009. seriously.

dont LMG.

2011-05-23T22:59:00.002+09:30

some questions are better off not asked.
some answers are better off false. or faked.

curiosity is great, but only to a certain extent. need i remind you, i'm speaking in terms of my own opinion, which have been tampered by many factors. by most, the very little experiences and readings i came across with.
of course, the easiest way out (of curiosity) is to speak your mind, let them know the things that are tickling your brains for answers. i dont know which part of my brain does this, but there's always a voice reminding me to exercise extra caution before firing questions. some good times, i obey them. thinking twice, thrice, even a million times. but other times, it just, incidentally, slips out. without the whole brain's consent.

and with so many things tarnishing the word "truth" (a word, believed by many -including yours truly-, sacred), why bother with the questions?

okay off to bed now. a third from finishing the sixth book, cant wait to start with the final one! night~

"greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies..."
-j.k. rowling, through tom marvolo riddle. harry potter and the half blood prince.

recently i can't sleep without...

2011-05-11T18:01:00.002+09:30

harry potter and the order of the phoenix on my bedside table.
it's been my bedtime story for the past week.
it's the first thing i read when i wake up.
it's my companion while waiting for the many many traffic lights to turn green on my way to work.
its the reason why ive been heading straight home after work lately. and dread so much if i had to stay back.
it's the thing that i think about all day. especially when it's not with me.

like right now. harry's waiting for me in the car. and i still have an hour to go. darn it.

It's a very very hot day.

2011-05-08T18:34:00.005+09:30

What if he's just another Sirius Black?

Being on the run, risking his life as an escapee because the whole world is on the look for him - for a crime he may never have committed?

When pleading innocent is not even an option - would anyone have believed him? When all kinds of word-spreading tools are showing the exact opposite?

What if, conspiracies exist?

Trust. Faith.

Who likes to be told that they're wrong about something/someone?

I believe nobody likes it when someone says "I told you so" in the face. Not me, at the very least.

Having your trust and faith broken, when all your life, you have been trained to believe what your trust and faith says is true?

What do you want to believe in now that you can't trust what you used to believe in?

Hello. Long time no see.

Goodbye.

you could always redecorate..

2011-03-14T22:05:00.008+10:30

the fact that japan is in the top 5 of the world's largest economy, is mainly the reason why we get directed to stock market crash, drop in oil prices, etc when we google about the recent catastrophe in japan. unlike 5 years ago, when we google tsunami, we get death tolls.

today, our japan counterpart updated us with their situation. yamada-san (whom i registered as the "middle boss" in my head) emailed us, saying that all of his team members are safe, although his boss, and his other members, including tadokoro-san, (whom i do business with on a daily basis) couldnt make it to the office today - because the train couldnt operate, and i think they regularly commute by train. he said the government and power company are allocating the electricity, so he only have until 12pm today to settle his work. and tomorrow and the following days, quoting him: "i dont know what will happen/i dont know what i should do. i dont think we will be able to do business in a long time."

getting this email, got me thinking of how much of a responsible person these people are! or in short, what a workaholic! i mean, seriously. my colleague, a team member of this one expatriate in our department, said his boss couldnt stop calling japan the moment he knew about the earthquake. we felt really sad just looking at how uneasy he was, but then after his call got through, he said to my colleague: "i'm very worried about my urgent lot. i dont know if they can reach tokyo. i'm afraid customer line will stop!". (customer line stopping meaning our product didnt reach them, and that the customers would have to stop their production because of that. in short, no good). and after eavesdropping a few more phone calls, i figured out that his calls were mostly made to the company, not family members. but he did went out of the office few times, so i guess thats when the more personal calls were made.

oh, and also there was this one japanese who came here few days ago for a business trip, who didnt even flinch after hearing the news. he sat at his place like nothing happened. so weird! because if i were them, i know can never sit still!

but anyways. i think i heard someone said that the damage is the second worst, after the bombings in hiroshima and nagasaki. i dont know how true this statement is, but even so, i believe the japanese wouldnt take long to recover. really, just look how fast they reconstruct their country after world war 2!

whatever it is, i'm wishing for the best. you have my faith, japan. stay strong!

time has no mercy.

2011-03-10T23:18:00.010+10:30

[fluorescent adolescent - arctic monkeys]

5 years ago, i dont understand why ayah find it so hard to read text messages. he'd ask me or anyone near him to read it for him, said he couldnt understand all the short forms. listening to him reading the texts himself is like listening to him speaking a different language. thats why ive developed this habit of writing in full forms, though there may be some exceptions like 'u' instead of 'you', 'prolly' instead of 'probably' (because prolly sounds so cute!), and 'hzrq' instead of 'hazerq'.

but that was 5 years ago. now he's an expert, even when the fonts are set to normal - not the extra big fonts he asked us siblings to set in his phone years ago.

ibu's a different case though. whenever she gets a text message, she'd go around the house looking for her long-sighted glasses. after wearing it, she'd adjust the phone's distance from her eyes, moving the phone back and forth, looking for the perfect focus point. then she'd squint her eyes, and take about 5 minutes to read one message. and her writing habit? she'd add at least one extra space in between the words. "kalau tak dekat sangat tak boleh baca". and punctuations? oh who needs that?

now. the thing that stresses me out right now, is that youngsters nowadays are creating long forms 'stead of the more practical short ones. it makes me feel so freaking old not being able to read them! because seriously, i AM still young, but these kids are trying to ruin all that by all these 'keww', 'jeww', 'kowt', 'derr'. really. whatthefrack? how am i suppose to read that? keww=que? jeww=jew(as in jewish)? who started all these? *pfft*

stop all these conspiracies of trying to make us -the still young girls- look old, kids! seriously.

thats not my name.

2011-02-26T01:04:00.003+10:30

[price tag - jessiej]

i never mistake people's... oh wait. i SELDOM make a mistake about other people's names. because others always do mine, and i dont quite like it, so it's like an unwritten rule for me to try my best not to misspell or miscall others.

but today i just did. and i felt so bad. its like one of those times where u just wish there's an undo button in message sending.

i was supposed to send an email to 5 different people, and to make my job (and theirs too) easier, i addressed all of them in just one mail, instead of creating 5 new mails. and you know for the japanese, we formally address them by their family names, right? the thing is, they have very similar family names! seriously. like, kawashima and kawasaka, or yamada and hamada, yoshino and hoshino, etc.

so anyway, i made a mistake by trusting solely on my capability of memorizing things, and being so snobby about picking up a pen and writing down their names. i repeatedly mouthed their names-yamada watanabe terasaki kikuchi hoshino. but finally in the mail, there's no hoshino, but there's yoshino instead. haha.

no, because seriously, you cannot believe some of the names that i've been addressed as.

the normal ones - nazarita, hazeera, ajarita, hazanita, hazarina, hazalita...

but azurite? hahahahhaah where in the world did that came from?

a break.

2011-02-06T18:37:00.008+10:30

[oh! - eric hutchinson]

my healthy hair is now all damaged by the excessive amount of chlorine dumped in the swimming pool. my sand beige, medium coloured skin is becoming red, and soon will be at least 2 tones darker. my face is now all itchy from i dont know, most prolly the dirty water or something, and my body mass is definitely much much higher compared to how it was 3 days ago.

but the correlation between all these factors and the level of stress, despite the fact that it is usually, almost always, post hoc ergo propter hoc (factors up, therefore stress level up), the latter actually went down a few bars. :)

and tomorrow its back to reality. but at least the mood is no more at its critical level. :)

yes. this was definitely what i needed. thank you.

my awesome CNY plans. :)

2011-02-02T02:07:00.003+10:30

so this one night, few days ago, ayah fetch me up from work somewhere around 11pm. i let out a huge sigh the moment i step into the car, cause its been a week straight that i had to tag off at around that hour. even on weekends. im telling you, budget prep has no mercy on us corporate planning members. =.=

anyways. i told ayah that i need a break from this bitch (note1: bitch=budget) (note2: no i didnt use that word in front of ayah. im a good girl). that i really deserve a break. because seriously, i really do. i really need it, and i really deserve it. its either i go on a vacation, or i go on a shopping spree. looking at the situation now, i deserve at least 7 pairs of new heels. one for each day that i had to overwork myself.

omg please make me stick to the point of this post! okay. i told ayah i needed a break. ayah said "again??" haha.

--(okay sorry, another interruption, just let me explain his "again", and then i'll come back to the main topic.) actually before budget started, i knew the stress was coming so i ran away to genting on a very prompt decision. no detailed plan, just "jom pegi genting! and then from there we'll drive somewhere to watch the sunrise!". and then the next thing we know, we were on a rollercoaster, screaming our heads off.. hee..--

i argued back, exaggerating that i am soooo close to having a breakdown. the stress, for me, is a little overwhelming. because this kind of life, comparing to my uni days, is like heaven and hell. i was so used to heavenly days in uni that a few days of hell turned my life upside down. i told him i need to escape from this busy life for a little while. somewhere i can clear my head. where i can just lie down and think of nothing.

and surprisingly, he said, okay. and that he'll take a few days off on CNY and that we'll all go somewhere. :):):)

god, please make the next 24 hours the fastest you can. i seriously cannot wait for thursday. :)

can anything get any worse than your worst day?

2011-01-29T16:43:00.006+10:30

[ironic - alanis morissette]

so this morning i went to get my breakfast at mcd, and grabbed a set of filet o' fish ('stead of my routinely saturday morning mcd breakfast : sausage mcmuffin with egg). so it comes with a coffee. she gave me the coffee and the receipt first, i looked through it absentmindedly, and its written there that i'll get a packet of creamer and two of sugar. but it was not in the plastic for the coffee, so i asked her about it, and she said it's in the paper bag *while handing it to me*, together with my fish burger. so okay, everything's good. except when i actually arrived at work and realized that she didnt give me the spoon to stir my coffee. seriously. what do u expect me to use? my finger? *pfft*

and then i went to kfc for lunch because well, i thought since its called a "fastfood" franchise, you can expect to get your food FAST. apparently thats not the case. the queue wasnt even "that" long to begin with, there were only 2 people in front of me. but i had to wait for 15 minutes to get to the counter. so since my precious quarter of the hour were wasted looking at the display board (changing my mind about which meal to buy every minute), i decided take it to the office and just eat it while looking at this computer screen. so again, everything's good until when i actually sat down, ready to have my lunch. not only did she not include chilli sauce for my twister, but most importantly, where the heck is the spoon for my coleslaw? seriously! what do u expect me to use? my finger again? *pfft*

so my answer is yes. to the question in the title. i had officially crowned yesterday as my worst day of the week, but since the week isnt over yet, it definitely can, get worse.

so. to better days ahead *cheers*.

spreading the stress.

2011-01-29T01:16:00.003+10:30

it's better to realize your mistake today while you can still change it (though everyone's gonna be so freaking pissed off with you) than later when all you can do is regret that you hadnt realized this serious mistake sooner, and that all you can do is nothing.

thinking about it, theyre gonna be mad at you either way, so...

frack today. goodnight.

of me getting a ticket, or of what most msians are talking about right this moment?

2010-12-30T00:26:00.004+10:30

[bad girl good girl - miss a]

tiba2 semangat patriotik membara... hahahahah..

not only fahmi and safee, but all of them. really, great job boys! seriously! because its really not fair, almost all the fb statuses were rooting ONLY for them both. its a team work thing, although i admit, both of them did exceptionally well in their own area of expertise! well done, malaysia's football team!

from now on its gonna be super hard for their girlfriends, keeping their celebrity boys in check! haha. because this time, there are just so many female supporters! now the boys have a muuuch wider range of girls to choose from, dont they? the battle is on girls~ hahaha.

oh and indonesia has a looootttt of really pretty girls dont u think? practically in every corner of the stadium! seriously! i think there werent any close ups of pretty girls when they were playing here in our stadium pon, kan? so what does that imply? that we dont have enough pretty girls here? or is it because our pretty girls just go to the stadium for concerts? or maybe because our cameramen/women were all so focused on the game? hahah. but seriously, tahulah si irfan tu cute, tapi tak perlu kot so many shots of him, no?

oh and now the pressure is sooo on for the team. all the best handling all the expectations that will be thrown in your direction boys! from this moment on, because you guys did so well, any disappointment from your side will have the same popularity effect now, only worse. the media will hit you right in the guts with their powerful headlines! i hope they will be prepared for that, when the time comes.

not that im praying for it, just that the negative hazerq wants to have her opinion written here too. ookay 'nough with the crap.

btw, i got a ticket from jpj yesterday. for not displaying my probationary stickers. haha. but really, of all the cars, why do they have to stop me? how do they know that im still on probation? do i really look that young? hahhaha perasan. segan okay, that was my first time kena tahan, and i didnt know what to do when they stopped me. was i suppose to wait in the car or what? hahahah it was so funny because i thought it'd be rude if i just stay there and do nothing, so i stepped out of the car, and accompanied him filling in the details of the offence that i had just commited. hahaha. when i told ibu and my colleague, they said i shouldve just stayed in the car and flirt him out of it. oh well. next time i'll know what to do. hahah.

oh maaannn esok keje! kan best if i were to work in japan now, because apparently our HQ in japan closes their production from today until 4th next year for new year celebration! how awesome is that? :S and we didnt even have a one day holiday to celebrate our team's winning today! hahahah dream on hazerq.

lacking oxytoxin.

2010-12-09T02:23:00.006+10:30

[just the way you are - bruno mars]

if wiser meaning you can differentiate your normal and pms days, you can say, i am wiser.

it'd be even much wiser if i could control them pms, 'stead of just "knowing" that im having one.

hello everyone. long time no see. such a gloomy page, dont u think? haha i know. just that, i think the flow of words are much smoother when i'm in this state. makes me look like im having such a sad, depressing life, no? haha no lah. though i dare say i've had much much much better days & years, but well, life is just like an economic cycle. the fluctuations are the things that makes a life, life. i'd much prefer it to be this way than just a horizontal one. you know, where nothing out of the routine happens.

speaking of routines. ohmygoodnesss i cannot wait for our little roadtrip this sunday!! :) god please let the plan run smoothly! :) i'll be taking 2 days off my adult routine for this trip, so it better be awesome!!

so. you'll only be hearing silence from me for a few more months. i hope. haha. i mean, judging from my previous posts, noisy means depressed, and silence means not stressed. because i seldom write when im happy, i think. which is one of the million things i should change. so okay. until then. :)

the thing that can really mend a broken heart, is time.

2010-09-07T21:52:00.005+09:30

[this heart attack - faker]

that title, has nothing to do with this post. teehee. :P

for a mere 15 seconds, i stood silent in front of a tudung stall at the pasar malam today, thinking hard about how to address the person selling it.

usually at pasar malam, my mom does all the work for me. she asks for the price, she bargains, she gets the good at a low price. what i do? i accompany her, tell her which one i think is nice, and carry all the stuffs she bought. but today ibu was not there with me at the pasar malam. i dropped by with ayah, on our way back from work.

i thought of calling her kakak, out of respect, but i couldnt see her face to judge how young she is, so i hold it first, thinking that maybe it would sound offensive to her. but calling her adik, well, thats offensive to me! haha. and i'm afraid she'd think it's disrespectful if i call her adik. and then i thought of saying "excuse me", but i thought that'd make me look so gedik, nak speaking2 kat pasar malam. and then i ran the dictionary in my head, looking for the malay word for "excuse me", and only "tumpang lalu" came out. tumpang lalu? hahaha. "tumpang lalu, berapa harga anak tudung ni?" macam pelik je. and then after about 10-15 secs, in an almost whispering voice, i called out "dik". i think its the safest out of the 4 possible words that i could think of at that time.

and apparently she IS an adik. it'd be weird if i had called her kakak. she looks like she's still in her teen, unlike me, who has lost that title for (almost) 3 years now. :(

well, i get that from my dad. there was this one time, about 2 months ago i think. ayah and i were involved in a small car accident. we were on our way to work, when suddenly the car in front of us made an emergency brake, so ayah did too, and alhamdulillah we managed not to kiss the car in front. unfortunately, the two cars behind us did not see the brakes coming, and crashed into us. lucky for all of us involved, we all had our seatbelts on. even so, for 3 days i suffered discomfort in my neck, because i was not in a brace position. ayah held on tight on the steering wheel, so it somehow absorbed the shock, so he said he didnt feel any pain anywhere. anyways, back to what i was going to tell. so the two cars behind us, the driver who bumped right behind us was a woman in her early 30s, i think. when i see her, what registered in my head was that she's probably in her early 3 years of marriage, most probably with one child or two, if not none. but her age definitely does not reach 50, or even 40 for that matter. but ayah, being his shy self, called her "kakak"! he said, out of respect. hahahahhahahahaha. i was like, "ayah! ayah dah tak layak nak address a person kakak okay!" i mean like seriously. his silver hair is already dominating the black ones! that "kakak" must have been even more shocked to hear that! haha.

btw, tomorrow's my last day of work before raya. and i still have a lot more to finish before i can call it a holiday. because of the raya holiday, all the deadlines are being pushed fwd, so my to-do-list are all cramped in the first quarter of the month. but the thought that i'd be off work until next tuesday! weehoo! XD

dont even bother.

2010-08-31T01:00:00.003+09:30

[life - yui]

okay so i've come across a few people who live their life by making up stories for other people to believe what a great life they're living in. and im pretty sure everyone has met someone like this too. at least once. im not kidding, but ive met at least 3 people living this kind of life. the 3 most obvious ones. its really sad to see how they put up with all the lies they created, you know. what a huge space of memory they got up in their head to contain all the lies!

usually, what i do if i meet these kind of people is that i try to stay away from them. im sorry but i dont like people who brag, what more baseless bragging. you wanna brag, you show me proof. of course i'd get more jealous, but at least thats better than bragging a lie. its so sad it makes me mad! but of course, these braggers would find a way for you to listen to them bragging.
i really dont get it. dont you feel a tiny bit of shame telling lies to everyone? do you think everyone would actually believe what you say? have you not read the child story book about the shepherd who lied about the wolf attack?
oh my, calm down hormones! why am i so worked up over this tiny thing, you ask?

its because i cant stand the *im sorry* stupidity of some people, who questioned about why some people are so delusional, when they are the ones making up names and profiles and fake stories about his/her own life! i mean like, seriously. you have got to be kidding, right? this means that she actually knows how sad her life is, she even described herself in the questions about why other people do this and that, and still, she made the lies grow bigger by day. okay oopppss i revealed the gender already but anyways, my point is, oh my god please make me stop. now i feel even stupider for writing about this here.

anywayyysss on a happy note, there's this one mother cat who crashed at our place, gave birth to three extremeeeely cute, white fluffy kittens at our very messy attic! well apparently, according to my parents, the mother cat is the girlfriend to either one of our boys (cat boys, i mean), and she decided to stay at our place, eventhough she has an owner! my mom didnt want them to stay, because she'll be the one cleaning up after their mess, but how can we give away such cute creaturesssss!!! :(

im sorry i could not come up with a title.

2010-08-27T01:34:00.004+09:30

[naive - lily allen]

somehow someone reached my blog by googling "boys sexy anatomy" (-_-)!

this month i need to make a detailed allocation of my personal expenses, since this is the first time that i'll be returning joy to youngER people (mind you, i consider myself still very young) in small packages. its the green angpow season. i cant believe i'll be the one handing them out this year. seriously. the last time i even saw a green package was like, what, 3 years ago?
time is a very scary thing.

last week i went to jusco for a little treat for myself, for having endured a very tough month. but got disappointed by the very little choices available. and when i finally found something that i really like, they've ran out of size. there was this pair of white leather heels that grabbed my attention the moment i walked into the store, and the only size that they dont have, is size seven. -____-
life is a very funny thing.

*yawn* okaayy that's the 78th yawn of the day. excuse me, this tired entity need some rest. goodnight, everyone.

get well soon, you!

2010-08-21T21:41:00.003+09:30

[fix you - coldplay]

i woke up with a severe headache, and a somewhat crazy stomach pain today. i couldnt categorize what kind of stomach pain it is, maybe wrong combination of food, i think. lately i think im living in someone else's physical. i dont understand my body. the usual food that i love always leave me feeling sick the next day. well, assuming its the food that made me sick. okay maybe because its mixed with my stressful mental state, but still. i mean, i used to eat everything okay. okay fine i still do eat everything, but now i get scared if i consume too much of some things, like, too much of black pepper, or too much of soup, or too much fried stuffs. because the moment i wake up, all of the food started to do crazy things on me. im telling you, its really not cool to wake up just because you feel like vomitting. or when your contents are doing some kind of acrobatic tricks in your stomach. it really is not cool.

im supposed to be joining my sisters for a little breaking fast get together today, but i dont think i can drive alone to setiawangsa in this state. neither can i take the public transport in this condition. *sigh* the only day that i get a little rest off work, i turn into a sick ball. :( and because there are just so many things to do on monday, i had to get this sick ass to work tomorrow, so that i wouldnt have to leave the office at night on monday. :(

oh my. please end fast, busy days.

show me sexy!

2010-08-19T00:52:00.002+09:30

[oh! - ciara]

there are just so many things about live sports watching that excites me. be it sailing, basketball, rugby, football, ice hockey,etc :). for one thing, of course, i dont even have to mention it here, i guess. or should i? haha. yea yea you got that right. its the boys.
okay so i just got back from sunway pyramid, had a little get to know the girlfriend's boyfriend session, and then, just when i was about to leave because my heels started to do an attempt to kill my feet, i decided to stop for a while to watch a group of boys suited up in bulky body gears doing sexy tricks on ice. i really like it when the blades scrape the ice when they pulled a stop from high speed skating. its just so, sexy. well ice hockey always reminds me of takuya kimura, and you see, nothing thats related to him that is not sexy. hehe okay random gile but anyways my point isss, men doing sports are so sexayyy! :)

final budget submission was due last monday, and what i heard from my superiors, the last time they submitted the budget form to HQ, they only get to go home at midnight. so on monday morning, i already told ayah to go back first, and that i'll call him to tell when to pick me up. but this time round, i dont know where this luck came from,but our team managed to finish it off by around 8.30pm! i was sooooo happy that the torturing month is finally over!
or so i thought.

one thing about me that i shouldve known long before i got excited about something is that good things dont last long with me. more often than not, depression and distress comes right after. we were told to do some revision on the already submitted budget the next day! i came to work yesterday thinking that i could finally have a more relaxed day, but boy was i wrong! *sigh* i guess it's gonna be another struggling week (month?) for me. :( go me!

okay i need to go to bed now. penat sangat. see u guys later, thanks for listening to me whining. again. i think i need to change the title of this blog, from hazerq's anatomy to hazerq's whining diary. seriously. i cannot stop whining!

whatever goodnight everyone! :)

let's start a sharing session. :)

2010-07-30T22:17:00.003+09:30

[secrets - one republic]

hi everyone.

my name is hazerq.

i am turning (not yet) 22 this year, and at this age, i am...

i already am a...

*sigh*

i already am a workaholic. :(

but truthfully, i dont think i actually AM a workaholic. because it's not like i LIKE working so much, that i need help getting out of it by will, ya know. it's because i HAD to work or i'd be dead. you get what i mean? like how an alcoholic needs help to stay away from alcohol because they love drinking so much and how a shopaholic needs help to control their spending because they cant do it on their own, etc.. i dont NEED help to willingly not work, i just need help to make the work stop looking for me.

for the past week, i've been clocking out no earlier than 8.30pm. and last weekend was no different than weekdays, and this weekend is no exception. oh god. penat okay. and apparently, last week was only the START of the long working hours shit, because it was only the draft budget week. the real budget starts this week, and the shittest thing about it is that this week is also the start of the month, the busiest week of the month.

god, working is really no joke. who knew adulthood is really this hard?

but all this shit is going to help me some time in the future, im sure. this shit is what i call my experience. it makes me respect the word "experience" more. i used to only look at that word as a silly excuse for employers not to hire fresh grads, but now, when i hear people say they have five, ten, 20 years of experience in their area of expertise, you have my salut! although i believe they should also give more chances for them to develop their own experience, but well of course, this is just another one of those never ending debates. the world is so subjective, one's decision depends on how one look at the world.

my god now i crap like old people dont i?

anyways. before i sign off for today. people, if someone did something for you, intentionally or not, willingly or not, please appreciate them. a small good remark goes a looong way. like today, i received good remarks from both my superiors, and i felt really good for doing my job. it makes me want to do better. even if its just a word.

what i really like about my workplace is that they always thank you if you provide things for them. scratch that, they thank you for everything! maybe its the japanese culture, or maybe because i have no idea how it works in other places, but all the emails, especially from japanese members, will always contain at least a sentence of appreciation. usually it goes like this;

Hi Hazarita-san,

Thank you for your support as always! or;

Thank you for your great support! or;

Thank you for your great effort! or;

Thank you for your effort providing the materials! etc,etc

Thanks & Best Regards,

-someone-

good intonation in emails are also equally important. i have a few friends hating the person sending the emails just because they sounded rude in them. although maybe they didnt mean to sound rude, because they always use direct translation. haha i have a few funny stories to tell on this, but let's just save that for another post.

for now, lets just conclude that words are very powerful. so take care of your words, remind me to take care of mine, and forgive me for being so rude to you guys previously (i know i have, so no need to use "if" here), whether i remember saying it or not.

thank you for reading. :)

peace ya'll!

la la la la hari hari kerja~

2010-07-23T23:46:00.005+09:30

[we'll be a dream - we the kings]

well apparently i cannot blog about something other than work for the time being. i just got back from work like, 30 minutes ago. and in less than 10 hours, i'd be in the office again, finishing off things that were supposed to be settled today.

mr budget is so mean.

you know when you write a resume, of course you write about your qualifications, achievements and all those positive traits, right? and since resume is about selling yourself, well, i dont know about other people, but i tend to write things that, people who's known me for even a few days would never imagine i am what i described.. haha..

for instance, i wrote that i can manage my time well, that i can direct my priorities to where it is most needed, that i am accustomed to meeting tight deadlines, etc etc. and now that ive been given the job, and all the deadlines come rushing in like crazy, and at the same time you have people rushing you to finish this and that, telling that their's is more URGENT!! (yes. capital letters with at least 2 exclamation marks), well, serves me right for telling fairytales on a resume... surely my superiors would be like, "can handle pressure well my ass!". hahahaha.

oh well. lucky for me, my nearest superiors are not the commander type of bosses, unlike my other colleagues'. my bosses do get angry, and i KNOW when they do, but no yelling involved. not yet, at least. i really hope it stays that way. :)

hokayy so that's my first brutal budget day. hopefully it wont get any worse than this. hopefully nothing gets any worse than this. goodnight world.

mr. budget is coming to town! :(

2010-07-22T22:41:00.004+09:30

[love the way you lie - eminem feat. rihanna]

god im so nervous for tmrw! tmrw's the start of the one and a half month's brutal life. where weekends hardly exist, and weekdays are just, typically mean.

this is the first time that i'm fully responsible for my in charge area's budget preparation. i'd be taking care of this half's sales, inventory & manpower budget. :(

the thing that's so scary about budget is the very tight deadline. no matter how late you get the datas that's to be used, the deadline given by HQ rarely change, if ever. and what makes us so busy during budget time is because budget preparation is never the excuse to ignore our daily & monthly operations.

oh my. lately i can never not talk about work, can i? takpelah. i'll try to talk about something other than work in my next post lah. im so tired today, jumping in to bed now. goodnight everybody. have fun dreaming! :)

them & me.

2010-07-19T01:02:00.002+09:30

i know this is like a million years late, but i cried soooooo hard watching marley & me! i missed my late kittens so much... :(

okay off to sleep. tmrw's gonna be an early day... early day with puffy eyes..

what coffee did to me today.

2010-07-12T19:48:00.003+09:30

[stand by me - oasis]

still in the office. :(
so maybe i overreacted a little this morning. maybe. okay maybe my life is not so effed up, it's just uncool. monday mornings has never been cool, so adding more uncool things...
after the morning meeting, i went to the pantry to get some coffee to kononnye cool me down. despite the fact that the doctor warned me not to consume tea, coffee & spicy food for a while because of my stupid gastric pain, i just couldnt ignore the vending machine's call today.

so ignoring the doctor's advise was stupid. although today's consumption did not end up with me having to endure stomach pains, i ended up feeling more raged up than minutes before. i could feel my heart beating faster, my head kept on going to the same angry place. i'm telling you, being in the office with all these is not comfortable at all.

then i remembered, few days ago, i watched "Against All Odds" on discovery channel, something about how the body managed to survive critical conditions. correct me if i'm wrong, but if i'm not mistaken, according to them, if you take 2-3 cups of coffee every day, you have the tendency to increase your blood pressure by 10%. so unless you have a low blood pressure, having a habit of drinking coffee everyday is not good at all.
so uncool. i LOVE coffee, but i dont have a low blood pressure. in fact, my dad has to make a visit to the clinic every month to take his high blood pressure pills, so i'm guessing i shouldnt feel too safe about my health. i should really start taking care of my own body.

anyways. today boss treated our section to lunch at kfc. that made my day a little. the pocketful was so nice!! i guess. i dont know if my stressed up condition made me think that everything tastes good, but i really think it was nice. hehehe padan muka budak2 adelaide takleh mkn kfc. kahkahkah.

oh panjangnye. anyways before i call it off for today's post, i just want to state here that i'm kinda proud of myself today that i didnt vent my anger to other innocent people around me today. :) *applause* i just, talk to myself about all the things i am not satisfied about. i kept it all inside today. if something/someone were to poke that anger bubble with a needle, i'd definitely burst but fortunately the needles were no where to be found. :)

but dammit i need my karaoke treatment this week! definitely!

2010-07-12T09:45:00.000+09:30

getting a scold first thing in the morning before i get to work, and its monday, topped with an upset stomach?
FML!

it aint easy...

2010-04-30T23:00:00.002+09:30

[knock you down - keri hilson feat. kanye west & ne-yo]

i used to not get why ayah always leave his money in his shirt & pants pocket. because it's easy access to penniless kids like me to just grab at least a dollar or two. (i was a really bad kid! sorry ayah!) and not only that, sometimes ibu had to hang dry few notes because she didnt realise there were money in the pockets; the money was thrown together with the dirty laundry into the washing machine.

unlike me, i put all my money in my purse. because there was always not much of it, so the small changes really matters. as much as i tried not to be one, i was a really calculative person. back then la, not so much now, i think? haha. hey its not easy okay, i had to teach myself not to beat up over small things.

but that was then. now i put my money all over the place! although all are in small changes, i'll always have surprise money everywhere, because i always forgot i'd put it there before. which is great, because i love surprise money~ :)

okay i dont wanna talk about work, but... this sunday's gonna be another working day for me. :( it's the start of the month, and omg the reportsss! how often do you hear people say they hate sales? i hate sales. i mean, not sales, sales. sales data, the compiling and getting the data together and tallying it with finance reports...

okay im not gonna go any further on that.

i miss writing. i miss putting my emotion in words. i've lost my writing momentum, so pardon the lack of smoothness in my writing nowadays. i just, i'd like to buy time, please, if any of you knows where to find one. :(

anyways. just one last thought.

how do you measure your vulnerableness? i want to share my feelings so much, but that'd make me vulnerable. but keeping it in... i just feel mean, having myself hold all those feelings, killing me softly, with his song. telling my whole life, with his words, killing me softly, with his song~

shoot what the fudge tibe2. haha. sorry, its a habit. whenever i hear people say "killing me softly...", that song will always come to my head and i'd always continue with the lyrics if i say or write "killing me softly..." okay stop.

okay lah. tomorrow's labour day thank god! :) i superlove labour day! :) happy labour day working peopleee! (working people only okay! hee) tomorrow i want to relax and lepak and relax and not trouble myself with any gangguan kerja dan emosi! dont any of you dare make my labour day a bad one okay! hehe.

okay bye. (gile short and sweet ending. haha)

lets go to sleep. tmrw's a busy day.

2010-04-09T23:25:00.004+09:30

[kimi to machi made - asian kung-fu generation]

today, unlike any other days, i decided to not bring my work home. no matter how urgent the reports and materials are, i left my work at work today.

HOWEVER,

because those things are so important that leaving all of them untouched until monday is very much like committing suicide, i came up with another solution. not a favorable one of course.

as muchhhhhh as i want to stay home tomorrow, my dreams of having a whole saturday committed to cleaning my room and watching korean dramas are crushed. :(

i'll be working tomorrow. i'll be working on a saturday.

i feel pathetic just by saying it.

BUT,

just the thoughts that i'll be taking a one week leave next week made it all better. :)

that one week leave will probably pile up the works even more but what the fudge, i dont careee~ i get one week off numbers and figures! :)

god, i cant wait for adelaideeeeee~!!!

and sydney and goldcoastttt~!!! XD

cause i had a bad day.

2010-04-06T00:56:00.003+09:30

[running away - midnight hour]

if only i have more of, everything.

its true what we often hear, human beings can rarely, if ever, be fully satisfied. theres always the little voice telling, if only i have a little bit more of what i already have. from the tiniest wishes, to the biggest desires. if only this, if only that.

today was a really stressful day, if not the most stressful monday ever. everything just went wrong.

what i work with, involves a hell lot of workbooks, and triple on the worksheets, and that's a real under estimation. just for inventory alone, a workbook can contain from 1 worksheet to 30 worksheets. dont get me started on sales. i should never have brought the monday blues to work today. i dont know why, today the part of the brain that's supposed to do great at differentiating things doesnt perform well. not even close to good. maybe a little bit of a wiring problem up there, i dont know. i just hope tomorrow's gonna be a better day. i long for the days when even the smallest of things can make me smile for hours. it's a lot harder to even smile for a whole 5 minutes now.

i miss the laughing hazerq. the hazerq that's capable of making the whole townhouse of 4 floors annoyed because of her crazy sudden loud laughs.

today was the first time that i actually really skipped lunch, because i had to finish the meeting materials that was supposed to be submitted before lunch. before this, even if i had a lot of deadlines to meet, i'd still go to the canteen to grab a few kuihs. but today wasnt one of those days. so right after ayah called saying that he's already at the gate to pick me up (dammit i need a car!), i quickly went to the koperasi and bought 3breads, a bar of chocolate (for stress relief la konon), and a bottle of carbonated drink. and on the way home, singgah kedai, and i bought two bags of chips, and another bar of chocolate. i feel so stressed that i bought all that, konon nak mkn malam ni jugak. padahal bila blk, mkn nasi, pastu dah kenyang. haha. gila nafsu stress ni.

so there goes. dah lama tak update, skali update whining about every single thing pulak kan. macam orang lain takde problem je. what the fudge. pardon the whiny me. biasalah, kalau dah start membebel, mmg susah nak stop. hehe.

so anyways. to hazerq, and to any of you reading this, may u have a great day tomorrow, and an even greater days then after. be strong, life isnt always smooth sailing.

i just had better years.

2010-04-05T02:13:00.002+09:30

#1) i hate it when there's mosquitoes traffic near my ears, especially when i'm trying to sleep. that annoying flying sound the mosquitoes make! :(

#2) cute things, no matter how bad a condition it's in, still looks cute. my cat siblings, tido kangkang ke, tido on a pile of my clean clothes making all my garments berbulu kucing ke, bwk habuk naik katil ke, still is cute. cube kalau i'm the one doing all of the above?

#3) any recommendations for anger management, time management, and organisational skills classes?

#4) return me my everyday laughs. i need it badly. :(

damn u pms.

dont blame me for my preferences.

2010-03-14T00:01:00.006+10:30

[cherry - yui]

currently i'm crazy over japanese singer Yui's songs. she has this wonderful, soft soothing voice, and she writes beautiful songs. her lyrics are so beautiful, i love the way she put her words together. sgt nicely composed.

my favourite female japanese singers used to be Utada Hikaru and Hamasaki Ayumi. my three favourites of Utada's were First Love (of course), Flavour of Life, and Prisoner of Love. Flavour of Life was the soundtrack for Hana Yori Dango, and Prisoner of Love was for Last Friends. of course, how can you not love the soundtracks of the dramas you love, kan?
as for Ayumi, i love her work for Fated. and i love the fact that she once dated the handsome Nagase Tomoya! haha. they look so cute together, ive always wondered why they broke up. tapi tu la, they didnt disclose why la pulak kan. haish.

but now, my favourite is a battle between Yui and Nakashima Mika. i LOVE Nakashima's song for the drama Ryusei no Kizuna, ORION. especially the chorus part. sgt beautiful okay the lyrics! her old song for the movie NANA pon sedap, that one also, i love the chorus part the most. sukke sgt suara serak dia!
as for Yui, i love almost all of her songs. but paling suke Cherry and Namidairo. Cherry sgt cute, and Namidairo sgt sweet!

well anyways, if you have some time to spare, please have a listen. even if you were never a fan of japanese songs, who knows you might like these for a change?

i wanted to attach a video of Mika's ORION and Yui's Cherry, but i couldnt find their videos in utube la pulak kan. i think theyve been removed due to copyright claims, but i think u can find them in 4shared. but anyways i'll add both of the songs to this page's playlist la okay. trust me, its worth listening. :)

superheart gatherings!

2010-02-10T00:36:00.006+10:30

[try to copy me - 2NE1]

how often do you meet the people that clicks just right with you? susah sangat kan? great friends are very hard to come by, i know. i cannot begin to say how grateful i am, to have these great people around me, to be there not only during the greatest of times, but especially when i was attacked by the roughest waves.

as far as i think i know, i am not someone who tells every single thing to the whole world. i believe that these petty little problems that i have are not even comparable to the hugeass problems other people have to face. yea, you can find me whining from time to time, but trust me, most of the time, i regretted that i ever whined about it. especially after watching a hell lot of people out there, somewhere, suffering to fight their illnesses, their poverty, their disabilities, their etc on the tv. thank you, discovery channel (please watch "my shocking story" people!). trust me, watch how hard these people have to suffer just to live their lives, and you'd rethink about making a big deal out of your little mishaps.
please remind me to count my blessings.

so anyways. i had two rounds of gatherings. one's with the gorgeous girls from my high school, and the other is from the wonderful people from my uni.

and i guess there's no need telling how i feel for these people. :)

my dream job.

2010-01-28T16:36:00.006+10:30

[pain - three days grace]

mythbuster's trainee.

yes. i wanna be jamie hyneman and adam savage's trainee! together with tory belleci, kari byron, and grant imahara. coolest job ever! i mean, where else can you get hands on experience proving what most people believe to be true, wrong? seriously! what more, you get to blow things up, explode things explosive, ride a newspaper boat, prove that u can actually light a fire using ice, etc etc. and that hugeass garage with everything a garage ever needs... *drools*

i admit i'm a daddy's girl. but that doesnt mean that i prefer my dad to my mom, i love ibu just as much. its just that, ibu is this perfect housewife material. and she wants her daughter to also be as close to that as possible. to her, if youre born a daughter, you belong to the kitchen. youre the cook, youre the dishwasher, youre the cleaner, youre the everything. unfortunately for me, its fated that i be the only daughter in the household, so all those housewife works were "inherited" to me. and i dont get to share them with anyone, not even my brothers.

but me, i personally prefer hammers to mops and brooms, paints to dishwashing liquids, nails and screws to plates and cups. i love playing with woods and saws and drills and screwdrivers... whenever someone buys a furniture that requires u to DIY, i get excited and i'd volunteer to do it. i get even more excited if i get to do it myself.
i remember there was this one time, i got home for a school holiday, and saw that there were few new furnitures at home. as usual, i'd ask them where and when and why they got the furnitures, and when they said its from ikea, i got real mad. because you know how ikea saves budget by requiring most of the furnitures to be assembled by the buyers themselves, so i got mad because ayah didnt wait for me to assemble the racks. haha.
and if there's a painting job that needs to be done, theres always "angah nak buat!" in the house. haha.

anyways. things have not turned better eversince i started the year, but what the hell. i'm not the only one with problems. compared to seriously serious matters that other people out there are worrying about, my worries are insignificant. i think.
my tips, if you have a problem that worries u so much that u cannot sleep at night, that makes u feel like u wanna throw up whenever u think about it, think about the people who are tied to the hospital bed, not able to do anything at all.

not comparing myself with other people, i have a hell lot of problems that requires immediate attention, but until now, i still have not come up with much of a solution at all.
but at least i dont have cancer.

ps: turns out that black is a little too boring, so im back to coloured passages. hehe.

a letter to earth.

2010-01-26T02:36:00.005+10:30

[konayuki - remioromen]

could you please stop for a minute, world?

dear earth,

regarding the matter above, i feel the need to request for a moment of motionless minute from you. sometimes i feel like you are moving too fast; makes it hard for me to catch up with you. when i take a one minute break to release myself from the everchasing worries, you still sprint ahead, enough to leave an extra gap of one hour between us. you have excellently left me thousands of hours behind, because the worries cannot seem to understand that i need a little break from them. with my speed now, i still have millions of minutes of catching up to do, and you never seem to care about slowing down a little. it hurts me a little, if you even care.

i know that not many people has voiced out their complains about your speed, but i'm begging you to spare a little time, just a little time for me to be able to speed up a little, make up for the gap you have left me with.

i would be even more grateful if you could grant me a one hour break instead of just a minute, but i understand how a minute of your time is already so precious, so i stick with the former request.

i hope to hear positive response from you soon. but in the mean time, i will try to live with your current speed. help me a little, if you will. thank you.

this selfish earthling,
nrhzrtmn.

aku tak marah!

2010-01-21T22:04:00.005+10:30

[rose - NANA]

byk gila benda happened eversince i got home, and kalau boleh i nak gila tulis everything kat sini.

shit gedik gila guna "I". hahah. saje nak try. kalau guna "aku" dlm blog, macam kasar sgt la plak kan.
i mean, aku ada this impression that orang yg bahasakan diri dia "aku" dlm blog macam sedikit kasar aa, macam nak marah je dlm post tu. haha. see. baru guna one line pon, i already think macam nak marah je tulis the next sentence. haha. NOT that im not kasar, tapi at least this is my attempt to be a little bit graceful. hahahha. macam nak masuk mtv made je.
"i want to be graceful. i want to be made!" hahaha whatever hazerq. merepek macam ape.

kalau guna "I" kan, macam sedikit graceful, kan? macam,
"i nak pegi keje, bye!" compared to "aku nak pegi keje, bye!"
hahah tak ke macam nak marah je bunyi the second one tu?

macam tak relevant je post kat atas ni. macam whatever gila. hahah. tapi the fact is, im actually trying to find the right noun to address myself if suddenly terasa nak tulis in malay macam skang ni. susah rupenye. kalau guna english kan senang, takyah pikir nak tulis "aku kau" ke "I you" ke "watashi anata" ke.

ya Allah pebenda la aku merepek ni.

tapi tapi tapi, setelah beberapa cubaan menulis dalam bahasa malaysia ni, rasanye lagi selesa pakai "aku" kot. macam, jarang gilaaaaaa kot aku bahasakan diri "I" kalau ckp ngan org kan, pastu tetibe nak ckp "I" plak dlm blog. hahah. so kesimpulannye, kalau after this aku guna "aku" dalam blog, tak semestinya aku tgh marah okay? oh n lagi satu, kalau aku sebenarnye mmg tak bahasakan diri aku "aku" dgn korang (contohnye sbg tanda respect), sorry! pepandai la korang tukar jadi "I" ke "hazerq" ke or something like that, okay? apologies!

shit. whatever gila post ni. takpe. skali skale. (padahal byk je post tah pape)

okay gtg. ayah dah balik, nak kena balik kampung hari ni. atok got admitted sbb accident. hopefully he's fine, though ibu cannot help but imagine the worst. my atok is already 90+, so if i were in her shoes i'd feel the same way too. i really really hope its nothing serious. insyaAllah. amin.

morning to me...

2010-01-12T17:53:00.005+10:30

[irony - wonder girls]

today i joined my mom for her routinely morning walks at taman rakyat, just 3 minutes walk from home. at 7.30 in the morning. i was reluctant at first, of course. how can one lazy arse (like me) resist the bed at the mere hours of the morning? okay maybe not so mere but you know, its freaking morning! the bed is the best place to be when u have zero class to attend to, and no punching card to be punched! but amazingly i managed to pull myself together and shed some sweat today! *applause* u go girl! :)

the park is located right next to the fire brigade, and across the sri andalas secondary school. they were having their morning assembly at that time, and i can hear the announcements word by word! i had 3 rounds of walking, the first round near the school, a female voice can be heard, giving her announcements.

"...email address kamu, blablabla, supaya kami boleh contact kamu dan beri maklumat di facebook dan yahoo..."
(whattt? brutal gila! thats literally killing your social network! haha.)

i thought it was the principal, until she said
"jangan takut untuk datang ke bilik kaunseling, kalau ada masalah"

counsellor rupenye. haha. the second round, a rough, manly voice took over the microphone. the strictness in his voice revealed his role as the discipline teacher. what cracked me up was when he called up a boy,

"...ni baju baru kan? kenapa dah kotor? kamu nak jadi berguna ke, kamu nak ikut kawan kamu yg macam beruk tu?"

something like that la. haha. i dont quite remember the exact sentence, but i swear to god he spitted out the word beruk in his speech. ibu was shocked, she said in her years the teachers didnt use the words beruk and such,

"mungkin sbb budak2 zaman skrg ni tak takut dgn cikgu..."

haha. typical ibu. my mom is someone who will always blame the students first, before blaming the teachers. not that my mom works as one; she's permanently employed as a housewife. a very committed one at that. its just her nature to put the fault on us siblings first, before saying the teacher is to be blamed. after all, if there are 30 plus students that the teacher takes care of, and youre the only one with the problem, automatically that makes YOU the problematic one, not the teacher, no?

so that is the story of "a morning of an unemployed". looking forward to other adventures that requires less or no money. haha. no easy being someone with no income. :(

that kid no more.

2010-01-08T02:33:00.004+10:30

[drive - incubus]

today, haziq came into my room and asked:

"angah, *lifts up his shirt* ada six packs tak?"

"nope"

"4 packs?"

"nope"

*left the room grunting "ada aa"*

haha. its so hard not to still think of him as the little boy i always bully around. but its so hard to still order him to do this and that, to wrestle him down, with that great strength of his now. he may look like a piece of papan but i have to admit he has grown so much stronger than before.
every year when i was home for holidays, he would challenge me to arm wrest with him. and this year... i still win. hahahaha. but it really wasnt easy this time round. the arms almost went to his favor, but still, i won. HAHA! XD

sorry haziq, but this big sister of yours aint literally big for nothing. :)

dont leave my head just yet.

2010-01-07T00:59:00.002+10:30

[what's up - 4 non blondes]

today i finally finished unpacking my stuffs! *applause* thank you thank you. i think this is like, the first time in years that i really unpack ALL of my junks in my own room. i was never home long enough for me to really get the stuffs out. and yes because i WAS never tidy (let's see if 2010 can do me wonders. hehe). the longest period i have ever stayed home since after primary school was about 3 months i think. i'd leave my luggage with 80% of my stuffs in it in my room, it acts as my main wardrobe. my real wardrobe became ibu's curtains and table clothes and all those clothes she rarely wear but sayang nak buang's place.

so today i tried to get rid of all those things in my wardrobe so i can have some space for my own garments. apparently, only less than 10% of the things in there were mine. but there was a box that really made my day. a box full of the things i treasure especially since high school. all those pictures, cards, my pet sisters' first notes, all the other notes, journals, diaries... yes im a keeper. and im super sure i got it from my parents. sume benda, sayang nak buang. haha.

so anyways. i read one of the many journals i had in high school. the one that i kept during my final months before spm. nostalgic! my many worries used to be "why hadnt he replied my message?", "should i ask him about the papers?", "omg i think he thinks im a freak!". hahaha. as u can see, it revolves around that one topic only, boys. that particular boy, to be exact. hahha. i used to have the biggest and longest crush on this one person i met during *ehem* some camp *ehem* when i was in form 4. not to brag, but if im not mistaken, he was the one who noticed me first, and somehow he got my number. unfortunately though, because i was focused on liking somebody else at that time, i didnt realise what big miss i was about to make. and seperti biasalah, i only realised it when it was too late. oh well. good memories though. i dont think i would have done it any other way if i have the power to go back to that time anyways, looking at the situation now. :)

im turning 22 this year. i used to think that 20 is still far away from me but my goodness. im turning 22 this year. im actually, currently very jealous of the past hazerq. the hazerq who has so little worries though at that time she thinks she has the biggest problem in the world. adding another year actually quadruples the problems and worries. *sigh*

but on the plus side, another year actually multiplies the happiness by hundreds. alhamdulillah, because of the people Allah had placed me with, i had the greatest of times. thank you. :)

i hope the happiness will be multiplied by thousands this year, and the years after. amin :)

erm, happy new year?

2010-01-05T02:08:00.002+10:30

okay why is my itunes not working? *pfft*

long time. dont know how to start writing already. i kept on wanting to update, but when i finally clicked on the new post button, the words stop coming. *pfft*
but just to start.
im still not ready to go out of the comfort of home. its just too good to be home. though i admit i already missed adelaide the minute i stepped out of mh138.

its just so weird to feel like an alien at my own planet. the surroundings, i mean. not the people. okay maybe a little on the people (not the fam though). the things that i once hated when i first came to adelaide has become the things that i miss very dearly. now i know why some foreigners really hates the humidity we have here. i was once so proud of our humid air, until when i have actually become accustomed to aussie's dry air.
*sigh* maybe just a short one today. i have a lot more to say on this topic but the eyes just wont agree to a few more minutes of laptop time. *pfft*

but anyways. happy new year everyone! i dont usually start my year with fear thoughts, but this year holds a lot of exceptions, i guess. i definitely would not be disclosing what my fears are for it can be profited by others to be used against me. haha.
and oh if any of you my dear friends are reading this, i apologize for my silence. its these times that i appreciate some alone-time. not everything can be turned into a conversation kan? :)
so i'll stop here i guess. lets hope the near-future hazerq wont be as dark and gloomy as she is right now. amin. :) goodnight~

my boring point of view.

2009-12-05T14:56:00.004+10:30

[ikenai taiyou - orange range]

i had just finished watching two episodes of national geographic, one being the "9/11 Science and Conspiracy", the other one is "Herod's Lost Tomb".
i should warn you though, this post will be quite long and may even bore you to death (not that my previous posts didnt have that effect on you, it's just that this time it's a lot more factual than my other posts), so if you hate history of any kind, you should just go watch other things. :)

anyways. back to the two national geographics. i don't quite like the former one though because as it always is with documentaries involving conspiracies, it is often biased to one side, if not to the conspiracy theorists, it'd be towards the government. personally, i have always believed that governments everywhere have this special power to hide the truth, and that some conspiracy theorists have too much faith in their theories that they'd repel every proof given to them.
not taking any sides, (i only have a very tiny knowledge in this field), i think the governments should not hide too much information (why hide if it's the truth?), and the theorists should test their claims the way they want it, not just by protesting every proof that is given to them. though these two things alone can never make them come to the same conclusion, at least some things should be made clear so that the real topic in question can be addressed with much ease.

the story about herod really grabbed my attention. for one thing, i respect them archeologists for having so much patience in them. i myself often give up looking for things in just a few hours, but they can stand digging the same spot in the hotness of the days, only to find the tomb after 30 years. but history isnt that bad after all. i used to hate history the most in high school, i was more into biology and maths but lately history has become more attractive to me, especially since early this year, in which i had to dig the economics history until back in the 1800s.
anyways. back to king herod. although he was hated by his people for the massacre of the innocents(killing all children under two years), and the evil killing of his own relatives, he was said to have a genius architectural vision. the architectural field is another field i am unfamiliar of, but from the show, i truly respect his visions about the "ceasarea maritima" which is also called "herod's harbour", and also the place where his sarcophagus was found, somewhere at the "herodium". his ingenious mind, though, does not come parallel with his evil mind. he ordained his confidante to kill his wife in case he was killed, everytime he went to war. when he found out that his confidante told his wife about it, he killed his confidante, and also his wife. and when rumors about his sons not being loyal to him spread, he killed all of his sons. he was said to have a "gift of being hated".
haha. of course it's just a metaphor, but how can someone be "gifted" with being hated? it's so easy to be hated, anyone can do it if they want to. it's like saying, "i have a gift of being lazy". doesnt make sense, does it? anyone can be lazy, it's just a matter of that person wanting to be lazy or not. king herod made himself be in a position to be hated, he was not born to be hated, no?
okay whatever. too long winded already lah this post. i'm going back to my fangirling mode. the factual hazerq is so boring. haha.

apologies, future hazerq!

2009-12-02T19:42:00.005+10:30

[the kill - 30 seconds to mars]

my original plan for today was to fix my messed up sleeping hours. kononnyelah. for the past 2 weeks (since after the exams), i've been entering dreamland only after the early morning prayers. morning has become my midnight, evening means morning to me. and the biggest problem of all, when midnight works as a daytime. a big meal at 12 midnight has become a norm for the past weeks. no joke man, i'm turning into a disastrous hazerq. the future hazerq is gonna be so furious. tell you the truth, losing weight has never worked on me. i don't own this thing called consistency. from a scale from 1 to 10, consistency would no doubt be between 1 and 2, with 1 being the worst.

so i failed to follow the plan for today. i fell asleep at about 2 in the evening (yes, EVENING for god's sake!), woke up about 4 hours later. gahaha.

anyways anyways. yesterday's melalak session was awesomeee! we only planned to stay there for 2 hours tops, but we ended up extending another hour to it. though i'm quite disappointed by the fact that they didnt update their korean and japanese songs. *sigh* would've been even more awesome if they at least have snsd's gee or big bang's and dbsk's albums in there. and oh, wonder girls' and 2NE1's! they have folders for shinhwa and fly to the sky, but there was nothing inside. hahah.
i only sang 3 japanese songs yesterday; first love by utada hikaru, mongol800's chiisana koi no uta, and a.ra.shi by arashi. they don't even have NEWS or kanjani8, my 2 favourites. *sigh*
nevertheless, the 3 hours of god-knows-how-many-songs were no doubt awesome! tapi tak sempat sampai my all time favourite karaoke song, that's why you go away by micheal learns to rock. haish. korang, karaoke lagi jommm!

tomorrow we have plans to spend money like water lagi. haha. damn you money. why do you have to be so scarce? takut gell okay nak tgk bank account!

i heart ryan reynolds!

2009-12-01T18:02:00.003+10:30

[hello - gdragon feat. sandara park]

it's been ages since i last watched a love story. these few months asyik tengok korean variety shows je, i didnt have much time left to watch slow moving love stories. but today i just did, and well, every girl should be familiar with the after effect of watching such movies. that tingling sensation when watching a guy doing romantic things to a girl he likes. the feeling that had you feel like you deserve to be treated that way too. those feelings that i've left untouched, dusted for months, because i'm just, so used and comfortable to have my own private space. you know what i mean? this is the thing that i hate about love stories. the power they have to pull me far away from reality. the power to make me feel like such things existed. the power to bullshit my feelings.

anyways. right now facebook is flooded with my comrades' statuses that they are now officially eligible to graduate. and i still have not got any of my results posted on access adelaide yet. tell me what i should feel about this. *sigh* god knows how freaking nervous i am right now. thanks anyways to those who have faith in me, telling me not to worry about such things cause you guys believe that i'd do fine and stuffs. :) though the truth is that i'm the only one who knows how badly i fared my internal exams, and how i did my finals considering how much i had to make up for my badly done internal marks. god. i mean, dont take this the wrong way, but when you have people expecting a lot from you, it's a real burden when you know you cannot meet some of the expectations you know?
sometimes, just because a person did great previously, does not mean that they cannot do worse then after. sometimes, you just have to leave some room for that person to make even the slightest of mistakes, intentionally or not, kan?

okay leaving that topic aside, we're planning to go to buddha bar for some karaoke time tonight! cant wait cant wait cant waitttt!!! my housemates should know how much i love singing at the top of my lungs, off tune or not. haha. whatever, i dont care if i hit the wrong notes or whatnot, i just love singing. though i know i shouldnt be too happy this week, my results should be posted anytime soon. T_T oh my.

tiny age conflict.

2009-11-28T02:29:00.007+10:30

[the special two - missy higgins]

there's this tiny part of me, wanting to scream to the world, show everyone how the heart is trying hard to hold on.
whining doesn't make everything better i know, in fact, it has never made anything better at all, but this tiny part of me...
this really really tiny part of me...

so this tiny heart has been trying its hard, shielding every sadness that came her way. but you know the thing about sadness, one attack is all it takes to bring you down. in this tiny heart's case, the attack didn't come in one big bag like it always does. this time round, tiny tiny bits of sadness came one after another, it has now become a big black hole. a hole you wish you'd never come across with. a hole that has the power to suck you down just by standing at the far edge of the hole.
they say don't let it get to you, don't get caught in sadness. so this tiny heart tried to run away. she really tried her best. fighting with her own matter that one small thing canNOT bring her down. but what can this tiny heart do, after all, it can only hold so much.

so that's that.
i guess, sometimes you just gotta let them out huh?

anyways. i chose this new layout out of the hundreds that i just googled today, and i think i love it. haha. yea i'm still not sure if i really love it, but i know this is definitely better than the previous one, and the other templates that i bookmarked.
today i find that my tastes in these kinds of things still falls in the childish section. though now i may have made a little more mature choices. i mean, there were a few templates that i know i would've liked it if i were 15 or 17 or even 18, but now i soundly rejected those shiny bright-coloured pages, just because i think it's too childish.
today i got reminded again that i'm already fucking 21. can you believe it? i can't. not that i don't like being 21 mind you, it's just that... thinking about the things i have yet to achieve, 21 is old. really old. don't you think?

okkay let's not get deep into that, my body needs some rest, now that it's old. haha. dammit i'm old.

i'm ooooolllllddddddd!!! T0T

*sigh* goodnight my old friends. sweet dreams. :)

late night crap. :)

2009-11-18T00:34:00.005+10:30

[i don't care - 2NE1]

we meet again. :)
i only had about 3 (at most 4) hours of sleep last night, and right now i'm freaking sleepy but i'm just so excited that i'm finally ending my relationship! with undergrad, that is. hehe.

it's still unofficial, in fact, this is the hardest part of all. the waiting part. it's the time where all you can do is nothing but wait. which kills me because i'm dying to celebrate the fact that i finally have no more serious readings to be done (for a few months, at least) but the problem is, i have this thing, in which i believe that given a certain period of time, i cannot engage in excessive happiness, because on average, a practically small increase in happiness would lead to a significantly large rise in sadness, ceteris paribus. the t-statistic is statistically significant, even at the 1 percent level, which means that the null hypothesis that the parameter on happiness is insignificant to the level of sadness is rejected at any significance level.

haha. pardon the econometrics language. i just cant help it. after years dealing with these terms, it has now become my new, 4th language? haha. i dont know how to say this without sounding like a total wanker, but when you're engaged to a certain thing for quite some time, you cannot help but to be sensitive towards these things, no? i mean like, when i watch the news and see things like the increase in interest rates, or the global financial crisis blablabla, i'd go critical and make some personal analysis and stuffs. and lately, whenever i heard people say things about the probabilities of things happening, or the percentages of things occuring given it's reasons, i'd feel skeptical into believing such things because in econometrics, u learn about all sorts of errors that could happen from predicting such things, and just how unrealistic some predictions can be. and since not everyone are aware of these things, the media has become a perfect stage to spread these unreasonable predictions. i don't mind some of them, but there are a few predictions that just gets me on my nerves, fooling people into believing such things. *hmph*
haha okay why the hell am i getting agitated here? anyways. i have a verrryyyy long list of things to be done and i'm really excited! for one thing, i'm planning to continue on where i last stopped on my korean language studies, and also to do some brushing up on my english and japanese. some high ambition i have huh? haha. and then i have this gym thing to go to, and some pictures to be snapped, some shopping expenses to be earned...

yea this is like a compensation essay from me for staying silent for too long. hahha.

i think i need to do some renovations to this page. it's just too boring. =.=

*yawn* goodnight people. :)

my not-so-little obsession. :)

2009-10-08T01:18:00.006+10:30

[hello - red roc]

stalking is very tiring. *sigh*

i am now more than just head over heels in love with this guy:

HUGE trouble deciding which of the thousands and thousands of hot pictures of him to be posted here, these are just a few of those. anyways, credits to reitenshi's fansite of BIGBANG for the wonderfullll pictures! :)

a little info about this hottie. he's the main rapper for the korean group BIGBANG.

(from left: T.O.P, seung ri, tae yang, g-dragon, dae sung)

stage name is T.O.P, real name is choi seung hyun. today i was surprised by the fact that he actually lost 20kgs of weight 40 days before his debut!!! (k-pop celebrity gossips and news) another thing that surprised me today was the fact that not many people blogged or talked about this thing! really! okay maybe i'm just a noob when it comes to looking for informations but really? ohhh. after months obsessing about him, i only found out about this thing now? haha.

dang, macam fansite dah tempat ni. hahaha. nonono, this is NOT a fansite yea people. but oh well, i really don't mind if you want to be a fan of mine you know.

...

okay pardon this girl, she's just a little too tired after hours of stalking. what more with the toothache. (-_-) apparently stacey is also having the same toothache! hahah. and the pain started at the same time some more! what a coincidence! i think my wisdom tooth is coming out and it's daaaammmnnnn painful! munching is no more fun. :( but oh well. i think i should take this opportunity to reduce my consumption of food. hehe. i want to be like T.O.P too, i want to lose a lot of weight and make my legs look slimmer so as to not make them look too short, and then maintain it that way please!
*SIGH*

okay i should sign off now. it's dream time! byebye people. goodnight. :)

end of my relaxing days.

2009-10-05T14:57:00.003+10:30

[we belong together - bigbang]

lapaaaanyeeeee!!! sume makanan dah abes. no food in the fridge, no food in the cabinets, no food anywhere near me. so pathetic. (T.T)

i've tidied up my room (in my hungry state), and here's MY definition of a clean room:

excuse the wires yg berbelit under the bed tu. hehe. too hungry to be bothered by those. notice the two uchiwas on the printer? stacey bought an extra one the other day, so i bought the extra one from her. this time it's sakurai sho from arashi! ^^,
tolonglah sponsor hazerq pegi japan and korea anyoneeee!!! at least before those cute guys get married! and at least before i get married! haha. loooong way to go on the latter one though. dang.

so two assignments to be done before next week, and the finals will be in a month's time. fook. satu benda pon tak prepare lagi. (T.T) tak sentuh buku langsung cuti ni. *sigh*

5 past 3 dah. nak gi cari makan, and then start on the two projects. pray for me people. pray i won't get beaten by my number one enemy: distractions. byebye. :)

sudden homesickness.

2009-10-02T01:01:00.004+09:30

[linger - the cranberries]

just because i am happily accompanied here and now, doesn't mean that i'm doing fine without other people. trade offs suck. having to give up something else in order to obtain another is not easy. it's never easy. *sigh*

i am missing my loves.

this though, doesn't mean that i don't feel pleasant with the people around me right now. i'll surely be missing my besties here next year, just as much as i'm currently missing mi familia at home, and my two bestgirlfriends, one being two hours of phone call away, and the other one currently living half a globe away from me. *sigh*

god please bless them, the people i love most. i can't begin to say how thankful i am to have them as part of my life.

distract me no more!

2009-10-01T02:53:00.005+09:30

[pictures of you - the last goodnight]

spring cleaning mission tonight - below average! *sigh*
these distractions! i can never do cleaning in one go. there's always, ALWAYS something that managed to pull me away from reorganizing this tiny place!
anyways. today we went go-karting! and it was awesommmeeee!!! i superlove go-kart now. will definitely say yes to another game! the speed-rush reminds me of sailing (in strong wind, of course) so muccchhhhhh!!!!

*....*

oh man. i should really jump to bed now. dah pukul 3 dahhh? dang. goodnight people. :)

oh wait. one last thing.

hee. okay dah. goodnightgoodnight! :)

my twentyfirst year here. :)

2009-09-25T17:26:00.004+09:30

[i don't care - 2NE1]

let's skip the "dah lama gell tak update" part and go straight to today. :)

nothing much happened today, except for the furrreeeezzzziiiinnnngggg cold weather! what's up with that? boss said the forecast said tomorrow there's gonna be a slight snow at mount lofty. sure tomorrow lagi sejuk than today. *brrrr* ni malas nak kuar umah ni. tapi ada 2 open houses that cannot be missed tomorrow!

it's already halfway through springbreak and i still have not touched my 2 assignments. aaaaa malasmalas! so many things to do, so freaking little time!

anyways. i want to tell you people stories about my birthday this year and stuffs, but i don't know if i'm allowed to do that. i was refrained from a certain someone from telling other people about it, but oh well. i won't tell you guys the exact things, but basically, okay. let's start with the celebration.
i'm not gonna start comparing my birthdays, they all have a certain special part to it. comparing all of them at different levels is just not doable. but i must say, i love it when it comes to my birthday. it's always great. year after year. even this year, the people around me has never failed trying to make me happy. and trust me, they're the experts when it comes to that. i am forever indebted to them. thank you. if there's a word to describe how thankful i am to have my path crossed with you guys, i would use an infinity sign inscribed to that word. thank you so much.

and here's the part which i am not supposed to be telling people about. the birthday presents. this is soooo fucking cliche but what the hell, i'm gonna say it anyway. to me, just the thought that you remembered my birthday and the efforts that you showed trying to tell me that you remembered is a great present by itself already. plus, my family don't really do birthday presents. we do celebrations yes, but we're not much of a giving-presents kind of family. i receive most of my birthday presents from my friends. so you see, these presents are sentimentally very expensive to me, but this year, to have received a present that is not only sentimentally expensive, but also in its market price expensive, is too much for me. that person knows how much i NEEDED (see, i WANTED many things, i told that person everything that i wanted but that person got me what i needed, which is much much much more expensive than the things that i wanted, i couldn't help but to fall into tears.) that particular thing, and here i feel so guilty for needing that thing. i don't feel like i deserve this thing, i don't feel like i deserve to have this friendship. i feel so bad. *hugesigh*
from now on, my future boyfriend is gonna have a hard time trying to top that. hahahaha.

okay okay. gotta go. pnjg sgt dah ni. huhu. see u later, hazerq's anatomy. :) byebye.

september scream!

2009-09-01T21:25:00.003+09:30

[shiver - maroon5]

septembers are supposed to have a happy effect on me, but i doubt its capability this time. whenever i think about september 19th (hahahaha gila promote!), the thing that came first to my mind is that i'd have to date my textbooks for the 3 midsemester tests the same week. i'm so dead. i've got tonnesss to read, and this is just mid semester test! it's not even final yet! (>0<)

things have been going better this week, in comparison to last week. i think. i know it's still too early to say that, and by the end of the week i'm gonna have to listen to myself saying "spoke too soon" multiple of times, but hey, if i'm able to say that my week is better, that's really good enough, kan? :)

okay lah. nak pegi main singstar. :) tomorrow ade satu class je, and it only starts at 4pm. :) so can enjoy a little bit lah tonight yeay! :) byebye people. have a nice week yea! :)

farewell breakdowns!

2009-08-30T11:30:00.002+09:30

[fix you - coldplay]

today i woke up an hour earlier than yesterday. a good progress, but a very slow one at that. i'm supposed to have woken up at least 3 hours earlier than yesterday. *sigh*

i'm gonna be superrrbusy this week onwards, so i'm gonna have to tidy up this room today, no matter what. a lot need to be done, but i'm still on my bed, typing what i'm supposed to be doing now. *sigh*

i'm having this one big emotional breakdown, i don't know why. okay maybe i know a little, but usually i can just shove it away, but i got defeated this time. not good. the taps to my teardrops seem to be faulty these few weeks. *sigh*

why is it that everytime i know i'd get hurt if i do something, i end up finding myself doing that thing anyway? it's like being told not to touch hot things but you still touch it. no matter how i tried to warn myself of the dangers of such things, i'd still do it. and then regret it a second after having done that. *sigh*

anyways, i can start fasting like everyone else starting tomorrow! yeay! hopefully i can put aside all these sad feelings starting tomorrow. have my little peace of mind back. get my brains to control the emotional part of me better. i cannot have a busy week AND busy emotions. having just one of them can already kill me, i cannot afford to have both at the same time.

so goodbye emotions, hello busy days! (T.T)

sunny day, gloomy heart.

2009-08-19T21:04:00.004+09:30

[goin crazy - natalie]

i was reminded yet again that life is never fair. equality is overrated. what one person can have, another person lacks. relativity sucks. it's the existence of relativity that you begin to compare things with other people, kan? and that, the comparing part, is the source that fuels the feeling of envy. and envy is baddd. envy makes you angry. envy makes ME angry, at the very least.

now now. let's ignore the gloomy heart, sometimes the weather there changes faster than the weather outside. :)

anyways. yesterday i found this funny video on youtube, posted by collegehumor. they've got some pretty interesting videos, but they also have some that are, well, not worth watching too i guess. but my favourite would be THIS one here. not the funniest video i've seen, but if you have some time to kill, why not have a look at it, eh? less than 3 minutes je pon. hehe.

so i guess i'll sign off here kot. nak tengok korean drama. hee. byebye. goodnight people. :)

a scary fairytale. :(

2009-08-18T11:27:00.002+09:30

[beautiful nightmare - beyonce]

~somebody pinch me, your love's too good to be true~

i just woke up from another one of my weird dreams. yes, it IS in fact, too good to be true. and i really didn't wanna wake up from it. luckily my class starts at one today, boleh tekan snooze byk2 kali. heheh.
i have to say, it's one of the sweetest dreams i've had in a while, but the reality of that dream sucks big time. but as beautiful as it can be, i don't want to have this kind of nightmare anymore. please. it makes me yearn for something that i cannot have. :(

time to really wake up and prepare for class. so until then. :)

nostalgia night 09. :)

2009-08-16T13:21:00.006+09:30

[where i stood - missy higgins]

lega gell. now it's all over and done with! no more practises right after balik class at 6pm, no more dinner at 9pm sbb kena practise and stuffs! now i can have my 3 leisure hours back! yeay!

after 3 weeks of practise, semalam mase perform rase sekejap gileee! good job dancers! both joget pahang and twist! :) thank you ladies (especially nik aisyah and ayie!) for the choreographing, and thank you gentlemen sebab beriye gile menari! haha. had a great time dancing yesterday! especially masa twist! although i was left partnerless for a few seconds on the dancefloor! haha. malu gile okay. but whatever it is, yesterday was fun! :) thanks to the people who made it happen, thanks to the people that were present, thanks for making my final year here memorable. :) big thanks to everyone! :)
oh ye, thank goddd jeritan batinku was cancelled yesterday sebab takde minus1! kalau tak sure malu gileee. i don't really mind dancing sebab ade ramai orang, so you can't really focus on one person kan. but singing is a whole different thing. if you slack off even for just one bit, sure orang perasan. i'd much prefer to be the backup singer, than to go embarass myself nyanyi lagu tapi tak sampai the high notes. hahah. oh, and thanks omaq and ayie sebab tarik hazerq masuk the "tarakucha's" groupies! :)

oh. i wanna write somemore tapi lapar gile la plak kan. dari pagi asyik usha gamba2 je, tak makan2. i'll crap some other things later lah. nak gi makan, then MAYBE upload gamba2 kot. malu la tapi. gamba orang lain sume cun2, my little olympus ni ade masalah sket tangkap gamba malam2. okay maybe hazerq yg still couldn't figure the thing out lagi, but kesimpulannye, gamba byk yg gelap kot. but maybe i'll upload it anyway, so, tagging team, be ready yea! hahaha.
makan2. byeee.

i AM shy. just so you know.

2009-08-07T02:00:00.003+09:30

[heartbreaker - will.i.am feat. cheryl cole]

hectic week! my me-time has been cut down a few hours short. :( it's times like these that i feel the need to own a 36 hours a day watch. *sigh* i need to enrol in a time management's course!

i have a class at 9 in the morning today (friday) and at 2 in the morning, i'm still trying to figure out the answers to my tute questions. and i'm supposed to have read this one article before i come to class and yes you have probably guessed it right, i have zero idea about what it's about.
i guess i'm pulling an all-nighter tonight. i know i can never wake up before 8am if i go to bed now, and even if i try to, it's too late because i've already gulped down a cup of hot yummy neslo. :) hehe. that'd probably keep me awake for about 2 hours. and after that, confirm penat gilaaa cam sayur for the rest of the day. haha. balik class wajib tidur before practise!

anyways. there's gonna be this, small full rehearsal for this year's malaysian night's performances later today and my imaginary crystal ball says that i'm gonna go though another series of embarassing events today, and also the rehearsal day after, and also during the malaysian night itself. oh god help me. what have i gotten myself into???
you see, i admit, i loveee singing. i sing on a daily basis, yes. but singing in front of, what, 400 people with that voice? are you kidding me??? lagu lama plak tu, tinggi gilaaa kotttt!!!
fyi, i have a veeerrrryyyy small vocal range. i cannot hit too low or too high a note, only the middle ones are sing-able. i don't think this same voice that can only be comfortably projected out in a room of less than 10 people is presentable to public. not this song, at least. lagu baru okay sket kot. lagu2 lama yang pitching sume tinggi macam ape, aishhh. cuakkk. rase macam nak masuk exam hall pon ade. *sigh*
but i guess i'm just gonna give this embarassment a try. it's my last semester anyway, might as well let them adelaideans remember who hazerq is, even in an embarassing way no? haha.

oh well. all the best for that then, hazerq. for now, let's not make a fool in tutorial class today and continue on this freaking questions shall we? goodnight fellow readersss. :)

not random but not specific. a little update. :)

2009-07-27T22:20:00.004+09:30

[my paper heart - the all american rejects]

long time no see hazerq's anatomy! haha. miss me much? sorry for the long hiatus. it's not that i have nothing to write or anything, it's just that most of the things that i intend to write became too confidential that by writing it down, i feel like i'm betraying my own private life. so yeah, the saying that some things are better left unsaid is infinitely true. :)

today was the start of my final semester of my economic studies for undergraduates here in adelaide. by the end of this year, i'll be 21 years of age with a degree in economics in hand, waiting for petronas to pull me into the working community. well, that's just what i'm expecting anyways. quoting my international finance lecturer this morning:

"...don't count too much on expectations, for expectations are not always realised..."

and here i'm making two BIG ifs, first is that IF i'm able to get good grades for all the three subjects i'm enrolled in my last semester (everrr!), and the second one being that IF petronas is willing to offer me a decent job based on the postponed interview and my overall university performance. the two big goals that are freaking me out right now. it's either i achieve those two, or i get sucked into a huge pool full of frustrations, which is, to me, another way to spell the word "disaster".

anyways. last semester was one hell of a semester, but alhamdulillah, i managed to go through it alright. although (man, i say this EVERY single time!) i know for a fact that i could've done much better, but a good old pass is not that bad either. :) i was so freaking relieved to know that i don't have to repeat any subject, or take any supplementary exams for that matter, although two of the subjects gave me some hell time by posting the wrong marks on my transcript. (i'll explain more on this in some other post lah. long, long story!)

felt like ages since i last updated. hehe. em. now maybe i should do something about my japanese blog. huhu. dah setahun tak update! hahahah. and now my japanese dah super duper karat. i need to reopen my language books! and then only i can start on other languages. aish. macam laa banyak sgt masa kannn. okay lah. why laa am i so sleepy already??? baru pukul 10. :S
so until then. byebyeloves. thanks for still reading. :)

...

2009-07-15T11:59:00.002+09:30

tell me this isn't true. please tell me it isn't. this HAS to be an illusion. i canNOT believe what my eyes are currently seeing. i canNOT afford to believe that what lays in front of me is real. i cannot.
fuck.

my "five" minutes break.

2009-06-10T23:26:00.004+09:30

[look after you - the fray]

why am i hereeeee???? arghhhh.... internet is killing me! :S
i wanna turn my laptop off so i can do my freaking essay which is due this freaking friday but i can't cause i still have some more research to do so i need to have it turned on. but the problem when it's turned on is that i can have access to facebook and tetris and youtube and ym and blogspot and everythingggg!!! my 5 minutes break would inevitably turn into a 50 minutes break! aohhhh. disaster. i have disaster written all over my face. XO help me help me help meeee!!!

facebook alone takes AT LEAST 30 minutes of my time everytime i logged in.
and then there's tetris. to say that i'd just have one go at it is completely absurd. i'd AT LEAST play 5 games once i opened the tetris page. even 5 is an understatement. and one game takes about 10 to 15 minutes.
and then i'd stop at youtube. one search leads to another. and another. and another. today i checked out this one korean series which featured the freaking hot boy from big bang. hensem gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. (bukan typo okay, he's really THAT HOT! so kena banyak A sket. guhuhuhu) got hooked there for at least an hour. another understatement here.
and then i'd stop by blogger.com and hop from one blog to another. and then i'd go back to my dashboard page, and gatal gile tangan click on the new post button. and tadaaa, here i am. like i have all the time in the world. *pfft*

haih. i know time is not something that i have much of, but i can't help but to do all those stuff above. someone please pull me out from this hellhole of addiction! or at least help me channel this addiction to something more educational. like, help me get addicted to doing assignments, or, make me say "i can't get my eyes off my microsoft words window" or something!

shit. dah 1130pm. now i REALLY need to get serious. and get out of here. so anyways. don't be like me people. go study now! byebye!

saya cinta hujan. :)

2009-06-08T22:30:00.003+09:30

[feelin' so good - jennifer lopez]

the music coming from the rain outside makes me feel mellow. i love rainy days. it has this power to affect ones mood, i think. my mood, at the very least. without the company of thunders and lightnings, they're capable of providing a soothing mood around me. hot coffees taste the best with the presence of rain. i love you rain. (chop. sorry if any of you has a boyfriend named rain or yang seangkatan dengannye okay. hehehe. i meant the rain coming from the sky sahaje ye. and oh ye, rain dalam fullhouse juge boleh la. but no one other than that. teehee.)

anyways. i have bought a new replacement for the empty slot for my three extension plug (the one where i always use to charge my late white nokia). it's coral pink in color, the name is samsung f480. :) hehe. and now all i need to do is to find a good, nice, safe casing for her, and i need to find it fast! oh you know how lousy i can be when it comes to taking care of my belongings. i have my eyes set on a few leather and slide in casings, but i still couldn't find one that really grips my attention. plus, this month is one of the tightest month ever (sume sebab winter sale!) that if i were to spend on something else other than food, i'd only be having instant noodle until the end of the month. so yea, this one can wait i guess. :(

i cleaned my room (again) today. it feels so good to finally see the red of my red carpet again! and it feels so nice to finally be able to lounge on my bean bag again! and it feels so less distracting to finally be able to study on my desk (again?)! hehe. yes. i've been neglecting the tidyness of my room for the past, month? gile bersepah i tell youuu. ibu sure ngamok kalau nampak bilik camtu. huhu.

oh oh oh. sudah lah tu hazerq. i need to get my research for my essay which is due this friday done fast. and then baru boleh start revising for finals. and then baru boleh ronggeng. so until then. break's over. byebye loves. thanks for reading. :)

kakiku kekok.

2009-06-07T00:59:00.004+09:30

[only when i sleep - the corrs]

you know when you have a crush on someone, eventually, after you've found someone new to have a crush on, the feeling of liking that person will slowly fade away, right?
well, in my case, it's quite true. a fact, i can say.
but you see, what happens if it's the other way round? i mean, if you come to hate someone, can the feeling of hatred fade away after you've found someone else that you can vent that feeling of hatred to? i must say, i think i actually don't quite like this feeling tau. it's so tiring. buat sakit hati je. it's not like hating that person and ranting stuffs that you think makes you feel better can do much good pon kan? bukannye boleh make your mouth vomit out money for every word you curse out kan? aih. kalau tak memang dah lame hazerq has no bad relationship with money. *sigh*
unfortunately, it's not something i can do. yet. if i hate someone, i can really hate him/her. and please trust me, i'm really really really not proud of it. i wish i could eliminate all these feelings completely, so i cannot hate people. really. i really wish i could.

haih. asyik talk about money je lately ni kan? hahahaha. if years ago i can blurt out how mata duitan a person is, i guess i'm just no different now. the older i get, the more things i wish i could have, the more money i wish falls on me. i'm putting at least a quarter of the blame on industrialization la. ye la kan, now ni there are lots and lots and lots of new stuffs invented, this drives the demand of things to shot up and drains a particular person's (mine) money out. for example, kalau takde ps, mmg tak beli aa kan? kalau takde ps, sure takde guitar hero. n sure takde singstar yg berjuta edition tu, and sure takde games yg belambak kat eb games tu kan? haih. nak guitar herooooo. best gile mende alah tu. :(
the other three quarters, i guess you can blame it on me lah. human can never really get enough kan. instead of being grateful when getting something, i get frustrated because i cannot get more of other things. hmm. i should ponder more on this i guess.

anywaysss. putting the money matter aside. i sprained my left ankle yesterday. NOT in any court for that matter. bodooo tol. benci betul slippery surfaces. i think i'm really prone to falling la. every year mesti ade scene jatuh2 ni. i remember last year i fell down at the park in baju kurung in front of practically everyone there. i didn't get a sprained ankle though, but a fair share of blood and scars on both of my knees. and also a whole lot of embarassment. and i remember mase kat taylors, this one is still clear in my head. i was rushing somewhere, it was raining. i was in a blue baju kurung, carrying files on one hand, the other holding my lunch. and i slipped macam nangka busuk in front of a shop, mase tu mmg, tuhan je la tau betapa malunye hidup. i wish i had a mask on my face mase tu. luckily not in front of any kedai makan, and luckily dah agak jauh from taylor's front entrance mase tu. kalau tak lagiii la malu. haha.
this year dapat a sprained ankle and one bruised ass je la. malu sket la, jatuh depan pojie and mus pon tau because of my loud shriek mase jatuh tu kot. haha. pojie bleh plak gelak gile babeng kan mase tu. aih. tapi jeles aa tadi tgk diorg main basketball. i know it's freaking tiring, tapi macam best je. aih. get well soon you ankle!

omg panjang gell post ni. takpe lah. sekali sekala. hehe. tahniah if you manage to read all of the bulls. kalau korang skip terus smpi conclusion ni, takpe. cube lagi. hehehe. pebende laaa aku merepek pepagi bute niii. aish. okayokay. byebyeloves. thanks for reading. gnight. :)

wishes don't come true, do they?

2009-06-05T01:24:00.006+09:30

[most girls - pink]

today's monopo session ended with my victoryyy!!! yeahahahahahahahhaha.

sory poyo sket. haha. ye la, org jarang menang kan, bile dah menang mmg tamak haloba dan rakus sedikit. tambah perasaan riak dan macam dunia ni die yg punye. miaahhahahaa.

anywayyysss. haih. kalau lah duit monopo tu boleh tukar jadi duit betul, kan best. khai and i went window shopping (yes you heard it right. window shop je. :( takde duit) at rundle. a few things i wish to add to my wish list sempena winter sale ini. sesape nak belikan untuk advanced birthday present sangatlah dialu alukan. hehe.

1) knee length black trench coat at dotti
2) light green roxy hoodie with a sequinned purple logo at the front at jetty surf
3) light red flowery billabong duffle bag with dark brown leather strap at JR's
4) a mix of red, white and black checkered fur hoodie by volcom at JR's
5) blueish grey long gym pants with pink nike logos at Amart (freaaaaking nice!!!)
6) dark brown water bottle with pink nike logos, somewhere at citycross
7) beckham's signature perfume and perfumed body lotion at myer

sugarrr dadddyyyyyy!!! i want a sugar daddddyyyyyy!!! :(

it's so frustrating to know that i KNOW for a fact that this is just gonna be another of my many many many wish lists, it'll never turn into my equities list.
oh where can i get the seeds to grow money? anyone?

despite the disappointment of not having enough money to get what i want at rundle, the five of us (together with pojie, syed and ira) went to harbour town after dinner, and my goodness. sale gilaaaa okayyyyy! *dushdush* rase cam nak bunuh sume cashier kat sane! makin tension pulak tengok. this time, dah aa ade money constraint, time pulak jadi macam batu api plak kan. we only had about sejam setengah, memang tak sempat aa. masuk brape kedai je tadi. nak buat decision pon susah.
but despite all that, i managed to catch a few good findings. a checkered black fur hoodie and a thigh length black coat, both from jayjays. and one blueish green cargo pants from lorna jane. and all that for under $100! hehehe. :) that has at least carved a small smile on my face. :) thank you harbour town. :)

ohh. lapar sudah. nak kena tido cepat ni, kalau tak i'd surely end up in the kitchen. so. bye2 wish list. until next time. taa~

pooping peer. :)

2009-06-03T01:47:00.003+09:30

[sugar - flo rida]

just a short one before i open the door to dreamland tonight.

ayah told me ibu has a new routine going on now, started few days ago. every morning, not only she has to attend to ayah, along and haziq's basic morning needs -waking them up, prepare them decent breakfast and stuffs- she now needs to accompany our two furry balls (micky and ali) across the road to, well, do their "business"! hahahahah! how cute!
ayah said both of them are afraid to go there without anyone's company because there are a few cats around the neighborhood that love to start a fight whenever they step out of our front door. so every morning, they'd be meowing at ibu to escort them so that they can poop with a little more freedom. haha.

oh such cute creatures! i miss them so muchhh!!!

happiness package needed!

2009-06-02T02:50:00.004+09:30

[waking up in vegas - katy perry]

it's not good. the spiral of unhappiness is starting off again. i don't know when it started and how it kicked off, what i know is that i don't like what i'm feeling right now. i don't quite know in which category this feeling belongs to, but the thing is, i don't like it. it's heavy. it takes a lot of my energy and it distracts me so much i find it hard to close my eyes and let my thoughts drift off to wonderland. *sigh*

it's not hate, nor is it a feeling of rage. it's, just, i don't know. a little more intense than annoyed plus unsatisfied, i think. but no, this is not about the people around me so have no worries. sumpah! and i'm real sorry if i don't look like i'm interested in making conversations today, it's not you guys, it's me. today is one of those very little days that i just feel like secluding myself, out of everyone's reach. even smiling felt so hard today, i don't know why. i don't like having a hard time to smile. it makes me even sadder. :(
ohh. bad emotions really drain me out. tak suke!
terase macam nak go to an island where no one is present, and just baring on the beach and just, be part of the calmness.

yes. that's the word. i need something to calm me down. i need a break. :(

i want better days. please?

the king of the kings. :)

2009-05-29T00:50:00.004+09:30

[she hates me - puddle of mudd]

it's freaking sejukkk outside! apparently winter's stepping in, despite the fact that it was quite sunny this morning. wait. i take that back. khai told me it was cold today. hahaha. okay fine i didn't get out of the house this morning so i really don't know what was the weather today. but the sun shone brightly into my room today, so i suspected it wasn't as cold as early winters should be. hehe. but anyways. winter's coming and i freaking need winter jackets!!!
rain on me moneyyy! i want money to rain on meeee!!!

we had a round of bowling at marion just now, and after that we went for a movie. and thank god we decided on night at the museum two because it was uber AWETHOME! hahaha. i LOVE it. suke gileeeee! i'm definitely going for another round of that someday. not disappointing at all. unlike angels and demons. haha. i think i should watch that one again. last time i got too excited, i compared every single thing they pictured with the book itself. and i regretted it. i shouldn't have watched it while comparing every single thing. haih.

baiklah. dah start menguap2 dah ni. i think i'll have a few gos at tetris and then change my body to resting mode. so until then. thanks for reading yea! :)

vgood. :)

2009-05-28T00:52:00.003+09:30

[happy - mocca]

*don't you give up, keep your chin up, and be happy!* :)

i just came back from pojie's place, after a freaking long game of monopoly. haih. main monopo (ain't that cute? haha. i just love to call that thing monopo. macam menopause pon ade. hehe) pon takde luck. just like real life. a freaking bad sense of dejavu. i tell u, if i were to go to las vegas and kononnye invest a sum of money on gambling, i would no doubt end up in a hell hole of debts! seriously!
in monopo kan, there's always only one strategy, that is to collect as many lands as possible, and then develop all your places as fast as possible. and EVERYONE uses that one strategy, so why would one end up having a hell lot of $500 notes, whilst others end up mortgaging their lands and having only one dollar notes left?
really. these things called lucks is really driving me crazy!

anyways. today's presentation went quite well i guess. in our very first tute, steve mentioned that he'd give us a hint of how he'd grade our presentations roughly, like, excellent means that you scored it, very good means you scored it a little lesser than the ones who got excellent, and if he doesn't say any of the "goods" or "you did okay" or stuffs, then maybe that person should prepare another presentation to back it up. and i got a "very good" from him, so yes, i am happy with my presentation. :) thank god. i'd go ballistic if it goes the other way round because i really did put a lot of effort in it, so yes, i feel good that it went well. i deserve his "very good". :)
lega gell now that it's all over and done with! now i just have to finish that 3000 words essay, and all i have left is the revision! (macam senang je bunyi. haha.) and then the finals, and then anne-see-gee!!! yeah! hehehe. can't wait!

oh. freaking ngantuk. tapi nak main tetris! mhahahahaha. i think i'll have just one round and then go to dreamland. goodnight loves. thanks for reading. :)

weeweeweekendsss. :)

2009-05-25T21:54:00.002+09:30

[Gee - SNSD]

presentation luse. *agagagaagagga* tgh cuak2 takut tak sempat nak siap pon boleh lagi main tetris kan hazerq? bijak gell. pastu time ni jugak laa nak update blog kan? haih.

it's been a week or so since my last update. cepat betul mase berlalu rupenye. rase macam baru smlm hilang henpon. :S maybe it's because of the hectic schedule. weekends have been packed with let's-get-rid-of-those-fats activities. it's been fun though. :) i have to admit, these few weeks, weekends have been really, interesting? haha.
at least i don't feel as bad for not going to the gym for almost, 2 weeks now? oh man. tak lame after this sure dapat surat from fernwood. haha.

today's two hours cash earning work was very very very tiring. people walking in non stop. dah la lapa, serve org lunch plak tu. geram je tgk food. haha. tadi mmg two hours straight serve org je keje, i didn't get to do other things. even grabbing a glass of drink pon tak sempat. usually i'd have some time to do the dishes, or clear the tables, or clean the cutleries, or clean the benchtop where boss usually chop the onions and veges and stuffs, but today wasn't one of those days. it was really THAT busy. but it was worth it. :)
it's kinda funny when you say to people that you'd have to wait for about an hour if you want to order a murtabak. haha. they were like, "what the hell do you need the one hour for?" expressions. haha. really. it's these random people that you meet that keeps you smiling for the rest of the day sometimes. :)

alrighty. the notes are staring at me hard, almost wanting to scream at me to get back to them. so there you go, one short update. have fun studying for finals adelaideians. :)

will it ever end?

2009-05-17T21:05:00.003+09:30

[leave me alone (i'm lonely) - pink]

my hand freaking smells like bleacher. tak suke! i had just used the mould killer to brush off the stains at the benchtop next to the kitchen's sink, thus the strong smell. *bluek* but oh thank goddd it works! klu tak mmg dah kena maki2 aa benchtop tu. haha.

anyways. just now i was thinking of charging my little olympus' battery, so i took off my handphone's charger from the plug and replaced it with my camera's battery charger as i always do, and then suddenly i was reminded of my white nokia. *sigh* rindu la pulak. i'm still not used to its absence. usually if i left my phone in the room when i go somewhere, the first thing i'd do bile balik bilik is to check if there's any missed calls or messages or stuffs. but now when i got back, i'd be thinking where did i last put it, pastu baru teringat that i had lost her. aih.
maybe i lost her because i had always took her for granted. selalu tercampak kat lantai la ape la. maybe she's sick of me already. maybe she doesn't want me to take care of her anymore. *sigh* i'm sorry nokia. i have been a very bad caretaker. :( may you live well.

and then just now i had just heard another bad news from my housemates. it's about a small dent on the wall of our living room. although they told me not to worry much, i can't help but to expect the worse. which is a good thing, because when you have a much worse expectation about something, and when the thing doesn't really get that worse, you can't get any more upset than that, right? well, i don't know about you people, but that's what i always do. well, most of the time at least.
but thanks for telling it to me now, at least i can be more prepared for the worse to come. haha. you two are such a doll, thanks for worrying about me. but no worries girls, i'm used to this. i can still take it. :)

but really. after all that shit last year with the village, the last thing i want to encounter this year is the dealing with the village (with ben especially!). unfortunately though, this bad cloud on top of me just refuse to be blown away. i don't know how long does she want to stay. so stubborn. geram betul!

aih. okay lah. i need to retidy my room. it's starting to look like a wrecked ship again. huhu. this week i'm gonna be busy so i better clean it up now. project k akan ditangguhkan lagi. retribution by jilliane hoffman pon akan ditangguhkan. fernwood juga akan ditangguhkan. all because of this one particular subject. why la am i enrolled in this tute. sume byk betul tanye. bace sendiri aa kalau nak tau! aih. okayokay. fretting time is now over. it's time to act. byebye loves. thanks for reading. :)

is please not enough?

2009-05-16T19:00:00.004+09:30

[take me out - franz ferdinand]

please. please spare me a little. please. no more misfortunes please. i'm really begging you please! *sigh*

penat la. penat sgt. this mishap battle is really draining me out. really tiring me out. it's even more tiring than the physical activities i did today. no kidding. and i tell you, today was one hell of a day. i joined their futsal practise in the morning, and basketball in the evening, and i'm friggin physically tired, but trust me, all the mishaps are tiring me even more. i don't know why am i still at the back of the line in the cupid's list(not that i care at this very moment. it's the very least of my problems), but i don't seem to move from the number one spot in the hard lucks list. *pfft*

today i lost my phone. tercicir somewhere at west terrace. i tried calling millions of times, but the person behind the line hanged up on me. what the fuck? i got hanged up by my own fucking phone! i left a voice mail and a message begging that person to please return my phone. but until now, no such luck. that person hanged up on me everytime i call on the very first ring. *grrr!*

few days ago, my laptop screen went crazy again. if the colours are not a shade of fading colours, it has this one vertical line across the right side of the screen, thickness is about 3cms wide. fortunately, right now it's back to its better state again. no more thick lines, just that the colours are fading out a little. but good enough. i can still live with this.

and last week i found out that my favourite black winter coat went missing. i remember unpacking it early this year, but then when i decided to wear it for the first time this year, i couldn't find it anywhere in my room. it was supposed to be hanging at the very right side of my wardrobe, but it's fucking not there anymore. i tried searching my whole room, but no. no sign of it. i mean, it's quite understandable if my room were messy and the reason for not finding it is because maybe it's hidden somewhere between the pile of things. but no, unfortunately my room's not messy, and i couldn't come up with any reason why i couldn't find that thing. *sigh*

and no, that's not all of it. i could list down all of the hardships i'm currently facing these few weeks, but i think i'll fall down to tears so let's not go there. i think i can still hold on. it's still not the time to give up. strong is suppose to be my middle name, so giving up is really not an option. it is not. life is hard, but what the hell. who doesn't have a hard time?

okay. so that's what's up with me lately. nak go watch a horror movie at pojie's. i really do hope it can cheer me up a little. :) bye bye people. thanks for reading. :)

praying for better days.

2009-05-13T23:07:00.003+09:30

[check yes juliet - we the kings]

lenguh gell badan, i don't know why. when i came back from my last class ptg tadi, i remembered having the discomfort only in my legs, but now it has spread up to my arms. tak suke aa lenguh2 ni! *pfft*

aih. things are sooo not going my way these few days. there's always something that goes wrong. trying to pretend that it's not THAT bad is so tiring. trying to convince myself that it's not gonna be any worse than that is even more hectic because the truth is, it is not. better is far from reach. i am jinxed and i am tired of it. go away you unlucky aura!

anyways. we (khai, pojie, yanie and i) went to sushi train for dinner after oh-so-looongg! i tried the new karai maguro (spicy tuna) but it's not what i expected it to be. the tuna doesn't taste fresh, and the spicy part is just a name after all. i don't like it. i prefer the lobster ship better.
i kept my eye on the train, trying not to miss the lobster ship, but then i find myself grabbing a plate of unagi (eel). and this, i'm happy. :) the eel felt soft, the small bones crunched lightly on my tounge, and the complementary sauce flavours it just nice.
my third plate, i ordered takoyaki (octopus balls). although i had a hard time trying to munch it all sebab panas gile, i love this one too. i should've waited for it to cool down first, tapi ntah, nak jugak makan panas2. haha. love the soft parts of it. so different than the takoyakis at the stall next to the dorayaki's at sunway pyramid. the takoyakis there weren't as soft as this one. but i like the fact that they have sausage and cheese and prawn in them, eventhough it wasn't supposed to be that way. because tako itself means octopus, so by putting in something else doesn't really fit the name now, does it?
and for dessert, i had a cup of tiramisu cake. sedap. :) i like the white, creamy cheese part, with a hint of coffee in it. and usually i don't quite like the spoungy part, but the one that i had just now was okay la. not to say sedap gile, tapi boleh la. maybe because it was still sejuk. kalau dah tak sejuk sure tak sedap. hoho.

aish. terpanjang lagi. okay lah. penat. esok nak kena bgn awal. :) night loves. :)

tolong post makanan boleh?

2009-05-11T20:31:00.003+09:30

[the man who can't be moved - the script]

*how can i move on, when i'm still in love with you*

hahaha no this has nothing to do with anyone. i just love the way he put the words together, and fit it into the song. :)

anyways. i catched things up with my parents yesterday.

my mom, as usual, talks about what she cooked that day, and the day before, and also the day before. i think i'm just plain unlucky, because it seems that everytime i call home, the whole family would always be having my favourite meal. like yesterday, she cooked asam pedas, my favouritessst dish. and the day before she made her delicious char kuey tiow for breakfast(my favouritessst breakfast!), and there was this one time where she made nasi goreng pattaya for my little brother, when everyone in the family knows how i loveeee nasi goreng pattaya! and haziq, just being his annoying self, kept on bragging about how delicious it was, that no other nasi goreng pattaya has ever tasted as good as ibu's yadda yadda. *pfft*

my dad, on the other hand, updated me about the people he met recently. he said yesterday he went to batu laut for the selangor open sailing regatta. he met a few of my sailing comrades, my coaches, my sailing mates who is now coaching the junior sailors, and my managers and yes, i really miss them! but of course, ayah just went there to pay them a visit. ibu has been restricting all the three of us (my dad, my big brother and i) from going out to the sea again.
she has been especially strict with me since i'm the only daughter she has and well, you know the thing about being the only girl. i'm supposed to be the girlish entity in the family, but since kindergarten, i've been wearing sailing shirts with shorts and my accessory has always been a cap when what she wanted was for me to wear skirts and put on bracelets and earrings and stuffs. and what with the dark shiny skin i had since i started sailing? haha. she has always blamed ayah for getting me into sailing.
but now i think she's quite happy to know that i am now into pretty stuffs. i have to admit, i AM getting more girly than like, 7 or 8 years ago. 7 years ago, i wouldn't even care to apply sunblock on my face before hitting the beach. but now, i can get upset just because i got one tone darker. haha. talk about changes.

oh man. terpanjang la pulak kan. anyways. i'm just gonna add one little shoutout here, before i end this essay. to you, the lady who's capable of doing just about everything in this world (seriously, you name it, she'll nail it!), to the one person who never gave up on her own project of turning me from a ladette to being a lady (although it's still far from successfull. hehe), to the one of the veryveryvery few people i reaaaalllllyyyyyy love in this universe, to the ever so lovely lady who's my dad is in love with, happy mother's day ibu! i love you!

calling all the lucks in the world!

2009-05-09T17:27:00.002+09:30

[scar - missy higgins]

i think my lucky magnet has gone crazy. now it seems to attract more unlucky happenings than it otherwise should. :(

anyways. today we were invited by nik aisyah and the gang to celebrate najmi's very-belated-birthday-party at botanical garden. they brought so many delicious food, i can't help but to betray my dietary programme.
there were the chocolate cake they bought at michelle's, three family size and two large size pizzas from the pizza house, nina's signature chocolate muffins, saiful's huge blueberry muffins, delicious salami and tuna sandwiches, very cute chocolate chip muffins, apple crumble, orange flavoured jellies, and bottles of soft drinks. (i know i'm missing a few others, and i'm really sorry. my memory's capacity seems to be shrinking lately. :S)
to think that we only came with a bunch (i couldn't quite call it a bouquet) of yellow chrisanthemum flowers and a frog-printed birthday card made me feel a little too guilty. you know what i mean? it's like attending a party where all the people around you are fully suited and wears nice evening gowns but you're only dressed in a classic top and your everyday jeans. it's the classic case of going to a party underdressed.
okay maybe i exaggerated on that part a bit but yea, you know what i mean?

oh well. thanks heaps anyways! it was fun. :)

okay now i have to get myself out of this comfortable quilt and put on some decent clothes for dinner. bye bye. :)

KISS (Keep It Short & Simple) :)

2009-05-05T22:03:00.002+09:30

[you're out - wonder girls]

lately i've been making essays here. but right now i decided to not do that. sure bosan bace kan?

so anyways, today, i vacuumed my whole room, from corner to corner. and now it feels so clean and fresh. :) as most people would know, i hate vacuuming, what with the loud annoying roar and all, but i love the feel of an after-vacuumed room. smells so fresh and clean. :)

so that's about it. time for me to do something about all these piling dusts on my desk. *pfft* byk gell habuk. (is it just me or is it really so much dustier here compared to home?)

if you're happy and you know it clap your hands clapclap X)

2009-05-04T23:41:00.004+09:30

[whatever it takes - lifehouse]

so it turns out that i could still call my laptop, well, a laptop! *hoorayyy!*

hehe. i woke up this morning, turned on my laptop out of habit, and heard a loud shriek coming out of it. khai said it sounded like someone who's about to go away. metaphorically, of course. i had to agree. it DID sounded like it's about to go. but then less than a minute later it stopped wailing, and started to display the not so familiar desktop, not familiar due to the faulty colour it displayed. apparently it was still in its negative mode. at that point in time, i really had no hope whatsoever that this thing is ever going to return to it's default setting anymore. i was ready to let her go, ready to call her my karaoke box.
but somehow, i don't know why, i decided to give her another chance. i don't usually give second chances a thought, but apparently, i just did this morning. and oh my god, i'm soooo glad that i did.
i thought of trying to really dry the keyboards off, thinking that maybe, just maybe it could get better. and of course, the first thing that came to my mind was a hairdryer. but i don't own one, and neither does khai nor mariah. the only place i could think of is fernwood's gym, but of course i'm never going to go there just to dry off my laptop. so the second best i alternative i came up with was my study lamp, in which i thought maybe could give enough heat to try to dry it off. and what miracle, it really did! i've never been so happy to look at my lame desktop picture!

the only problem that i know can never ever ever return to normal no matter what miracle happens is that i can no longer press the letter "q" no matter how hard i push the button anymore. this "q", i copied and pasted it here, idea comes from khai. luckily it's just "q", imagine how many copy-and-pastes i'd have to do if the letter "a" is faulty instead? hahahaha.

ah. what a day. :) now i'm loving this old notebook more than ever! thanks for not leaving, thanks for still staying with me, thanks for giving me another chance to try to take care of you. i love you lappy! :)

p/s: out of the topic. i think i should try to slow down on the eff word a little bit. i think i'm using a little bit too much of cursings lately. i got addicted again. aih.

goodbye hazerq's laptop. sobsob

2009-05-03T23:14:00.003+09:30

[harder to breathe - maroon5]

fakfakfakkk!!! this is fucking not happening to me!!!
(read this and tell me one fucking reason why i should stop swearing!)
i stupidly spilled a cup full of mineral water on my laptop. and i'm not talking about just a small spill of it here, it's like i created a fucking pool on my laptop's keyboard!!! and as expected, there are complications to it.

this huge, old lappy of mine has gone through a lot of ups and downs (sometimes literally) with me. i've accidentally spilled sweet carbonated drink on it, i've let it took its first fall (and also a few falls after that), i've broken it's original charger, i've seen hundreds, maybe thousands of movies and dramas with it, i've let her see my emotions when watching things, i've let out litres and litres of tears with it, i've laughed so hard i could hardly breathe with it, i've chatted and gossiped millions of stories with it, and the list goes on and on... i've spent most of my time whenever i'm left alone with her doing so many things, this is one of my most treasured companies of all times. it's like a family to me.
and now, she's so sick, so freaking sick that she could never function properly again. just like a car crash accident, some people who survived may not be able to do certain things anymore. this one, she couldn't project images with the right colour. it's like i've changed the settings to negatives mode. the colours of everything on the screen is all wrong. but she can still sing in tune, she can still speak with its original voice, she just doesn't look the same again. *sigh* why la. why is this happening to me nowww????

from now on, i may not be able to call her my laptop anymore. all that's left is her voice, i can no longer watch movies and drool while watching hot hunks in it, i can no longer watch japanese and korean dramas and also drool looking at the lads' hot bodies. i can only listen to itunes and sing along with it. i think i should let her go, and address her with some other name. like, my alternative radio, or my karaoke box or something like that. *sigh* i'm sorry hazerq's laptop, i've made you into this state. *sigh*

soreness. pfft

2009-05-03T12:13:00.002+09:30

[come home - one republic feat. sara bareilles]

aih. i'm having those attacks in my head again. sakit gile. this time i don't even feel like getting up and filling my empty stomach with anything(though it's also screaming out in pain, the headache's scream is even louder), i just feel like lying here all day waiting for the pain to go away. *sigh* i lost my newly bought panadols at moonta last holiday so now i have nothing to kill the pain. *sigh* but syed has been so nice, he's delivering his set of panadols straight to the front door of my apartment. thanks syed!

yesterday's masca beach day was fun, but of course, fun stuffs are always packed with its few sets of trade offs. for one thing, i'm having this terrible headache since after i got back from the beach. and fuck i hate headaches! and then there's this painful stretch along my arms(because of the tug of war, of course). grabbing things seem to be a lot harder than usual. and as if those agonies are not enough, i get pain in my back as well. *sigh*
and now, putting aside the discomforts, i get this tanline on my face, and it's freaking hideous! now, only the lower part of my cheek are tanned. i have 2 lines, one is because of my sunnies, and the other is because of my tudung. i mean, i wouldn't mind so much if my whole face got a few tones darker, but to get just a few parts of it darker is really getting on my nerves! *grrr*

but hell, life has its ups and downs. i think i've had too much of gaiety times that i need to slow it down for a little bit. okay. dah. now, even typing seems to require a hell lot of energy. *pfft* bye bye. pray i'll get well soon. :)

oh no you did not!

2009-04-30T19:25:00.003+09:30

[lies - big bang]

*hazerq tgh marah so pardon the language*
ewwww. sumpah geli gile! i don't know why the hell he thinks what we thought of him is even a compliment! and fuck he's proud of it! what the hell?

then again, i don't know why i got so worked up after knowing what really happened. i thought it was a stupid prank, i thought maybe someone else thought it was funny and pretended to be that person. i mean, it would've been funny if it were someone else. but this is just plain annoying. *pfft*
and the glands seem to be having a great time releasing all these hormones, making me extra agitated. stupid hormones. this stupid thing is not even worth the cursings. *pfft*

and oh yea. Project K is definitely NOT project kurus okay. period.

saya sayang ayah!

2009-04-29T00:38:00.002+09:30

[use somebody - kings of leon]

i am starting a new project. it's called Project K. (now i know you must be searching for a guy's(or even a girl's? mygoodness. eww!) name whose initial is K, but boo, sorry to tell you that you're wrong!) gosh. you think that's all i think about? haha. anyways. details of the project won't be enclosed here until i finally get it done. so far, probability of succeeding is less than 10%(fuck that. less than 5% actually), but at least i HAVE actually dipped my toes in the water. now i just need some consistency and i'm sure i can make it to the top. muahahahah.

i browsed through the village's network for some interesting movies or series for the pleasure of my set of tired eyes before going to sleep, when i suddenly came across a folder sharing a few episodes of mythbusters(thanks to bearyglare!)! i got so excited, i copied all the episodes to my desktop and started watching one of the few episodes and surprisingly, i suddenly felt homesick. i started to remember lounging around at home watching mythbusters with my dad. we were the only pair of mythbusters' die-hard-fans in the house. ayah would be having his after-work-meal, while the rest of the family munching out late teas. my mom would be telling us to change the channel, but none of us paid any attention. i'd always be the one who'd hide the remote control from her reach. my little brother would be having his after-school-computer-time, while my elder brother would just join us both. sometimes along would be the one who'd be stalking haziq's internet browsing. haha. there was this one time where along nudged me and pointed with his lips to the computer screen, which to my surprise, showed that haziq was going to send a note to someone with a big red heart picture as the background of the note. hahah. oh the good days.

anywaysss. here's a little shouout. to my mythbusters' best companion, to the main source of hazerq's financial institution(hehe), to the one of the veryveryvery few people who i truly love in this whole wide world, to the best ayah ever, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i love you, and it will always stay that way. :)

bertahan

2009-04-07T23:20:00.006+09:30

[that's why (you go away) - michael learns to rock] (my all time favourite!)

i had just trimmed my hair 2-3 inches shorter. by myself. i love the result and now my level of stress falls down by at least one level. :) yes, this is one of the things i'd do when i get stressed. hehe. i remember the first time i discovered the joy of cutting my own hair. i got so fascinated by the sound of the metal cutting through my hair, and i got so carried away at that time, i ended up cutting my shoulder-length hair short, until it reaches the bottom of my earlobe. hehe.

anyways. i had just kicked my 30% marks of the 'money, banking and financial markets' down the drain. okay well maybe not the whole 30%, but well, a large chunk of it. i just hope everybody in the class had just done the same thing so that i won't really suffer much. which is mostly unlikely la kan. *pfft*

*sigh* abaikan lah. that's over and done with, now i have to prepare for my next test. kena stay up lagi la ni. *sigh* go me! goodnight loves. :)

hold on holidays. hazerq's coming!

2009-04-06T01:24:00.003+09:30

[rocket - yuna]

you stick like a poster on my wall, as if you don't wanna move~

*sigh*
penat laaa studyyy... :( can't wait for the week to be over! i have tonnes of things (despite the fact that i have two freaking tests that accounts for 30% of my overall marks!) to be done, and as much as i'm eager to do those things (not the tests though, of course), i'm much more eager for the holidays to come! banyak gell benda nak accomplish this autumn break, and i'm freaking excited! oh. just the thought of the things i can do this coming holidays! *sparklyeyes* XD

but no. the holidays don't come easy, of course. i wish i could have more time to get all the facts and concepts up in my head but at the same time i want the time to roll fast, straight to the holidays. *sigh* dah down balik dah. huhu.

okay. enough of the distractions. now it's time to get back to banking and managements and financial institutions and whatnot. guess i'm gonna have to stay up late again tonight. hmm. goodnight loves. dream sweet dreams. :)

trust me, this one is really boring. go read some others'!

2009-04-04T02:40:00.005+10:30

[backpacking around europe - yuna]

ngantok plak dengar lagu ni... +.+

no. nak update jugak! i've been procrastinating on updating this blog since forever, and now the stories are all piled up in my head, waiting to be spilled here, but i have not much time so i think i'm just gonna summarize them all. the ones that i still remember la.
tu la hazerq, bijak gile leave all the troubles and works to the future hazerq. kan dah susah sekarang. :$

anyways. let's get started. so i just came back from another one of our game hours. as what pojie would say: "this is spelling disaster!". haha. i have two tests next week, one is on tuesday, another is on thursday and oh yes, you guessed it right. i still haven't started on any of them yet. oh dear. :$
as most of you'd probably have known, mr eff and miss kay has yet again spent quite a large sum of money on entertainment. also not forgetting, miss haish. the three members of the 'persatuan budak-budak bankcrupt' (PBB) [the president being miss haish] gathered yesterday, discussing on whether to spend their monthly entertainment savings on just one asset (which is the slim ps2), or should the three of them spare it for their future expenses (which includes movies, 3d movies, bowling, rugby, arcade games, etc). after a few pros and cons, they all came to one decision, that is, to spend a lumpsum of money on the asset, instead of little by little on the expenses. :)
the three members weren't the only ones who spent a larger amount of money than usual yesterday. miss why, miss elle and miss eye also bought a few accessories for the newly bought time-and-money-eater (the ps2, i mean).

and miss haish is now thinking of ways to increase the amount of assets in her balance sheet. and she knows that the only way to do so is to either increase the liability or acquire new capital. and she already has been tied to a lot of liabilities so most probably she will only be looking on the capital side. or maybe some goodwill. (which can only mean one thing. ayaaaahhhhhh~!!!)

okay. abaikan the above crap. this is me storytelling to myself. so it's really not surprising if no one undestands the language i spoke above.

alaa. tak larat dah la. 340am dah. i'm really, really tired right now, my eyes are already half shut, and my brain is already half asleep (which explains the crappy stuffs above). my dream is shouting for me, asking me to come right now. and mr cullen is already ready to watch me sleep. :P goodnight loves. i'll write some more when my head is a little bit saner than it is right now.

p/s: PBB's next mission: guitar hero world tour set! :P gambatte PBB! may the force be with you!

panasss! :S

2009-04-01T13:19:00.003+10:30

[him - lily allen]

it's friggin 34 degrees outside, and apparently SHE still feels it's too cold INSIDE, so she turned the heater on AGAIN! WTF!!!!!! go and taste the outside weather laaaa if you want so much of the hot sun!!!! eeeeee marah aa niiii!!!!

this is the thing about new housemates. sometimes, you'll end up with the people that are just right for you. compromises are never a problem. when you think the weather's too hot and you feel the need to decrease the temperature inside, you know your housemates feel the same way too, so problem solved. but sometimes, the bad sometimes, you'll meet some that just dont, click. from one misunderstanding, it leads to another. you go along just fine at the beginning, but then as time goes by, and when you thought you have compromised too much, and you feel like the war has started, the things that don't mind you in the first place seems to mind now. *sigh*

it's the geographical difference, i know. but she's supposed to be the one who's used to the four seasons! oh man, this is just summer, and she already has showed some love for the heater. can you imagine winter? :S

not just any day.

2009-03-23T13:20:00.004+10:30

[breathe - anna nalick]

the bright sunny day doesn't seem to get through me today. it still feels cloudy on my side.

i skipped a lecture today. i woke up with somewhat a stomachache. what more, it comes together with the cramps. the monthly cramps. i hate it. i hate the fact that i had to start my day like this. and then the depressing chain started. this is downright testing my patience.

no, this time, you have no idea.
this time, i don't even know me.
this time, i lost.

or so i thought.

i wrote all of the above before i went out of the house today. i didn't publish it then because i thought maybe it IS sunny outside, and maybe the wind could blow away all the dark clouds.
and this time, i'm glad i was right. well, at least half of the clouds were blown away. :)

apparently, i love the weather today. it's sunny, and the cold wind compliments the sun just as right. and the sky were blue. and the people were nice. i exchanged nice glances with a few strangers today but there was this one particular handsome stranger who really made my day. thank you, whoever you are. :)

oh, and thank you, mr. weather, for being so nice with me today. :)

a blessed child.

2009-03-17T00:54:00.002+10:30

[picture of you - boyzone]

quoting my tutor this morning; no matter how old we get, no matter how many years we've lived, we learn something new everyday. no matter how random or usual that thing is, a little knowledge is still a knowledge.

today i found out yet another great thing about friendship.

i believe that a friend would know how rough it feels like to be in your set of shoes without you having to tell them about it. you don't have to whine and tell them sad stories, because that friend would already have known about how you feel.
i was reminded yet again to be thankful that i've been blessed.
thank you.

pfft

2009-03-16T02:46:00.003+10:30

[tapi bukan aku - kerispatih]

is it the weather outside? why am suddenly having this heavy feeling? why now? *sigh*

oh man i hate this.

come on happy thoughts! where are you???

embarassment update.

2009-03-11T22:57:00.003+10:30

[you found me - the fray]

i am on my half hour break. and somehow, i feel the need to relive this blog. macam dah mati dah. haha.

i think i did mention somewhere that i am one who can never run from embarassment. it's at least a yearly event for me.

so yeah, as you can guess it, i had another one of those events today. i was happily heading to my first lecture of the day (happy being quite early for the class. hehe) in which i thought was held at johnsons lab. so when the few last persons from the previous class walks out the lecture room, i was already at the front of the line. when i went in, there were a stack of lecture notes, the title being something about dna and stuffs. having the thought that maybe it belongs to the previous class, i ignored the notes, and went straight for a seat. and then i saw a friend of mine who i thought wasn't supposed to be in 'international economics history' class with me, with a few of his classmates. at that point, i was already thinking that this was wrongggg. definitely. i then straight away flipped open my file, looked at my class schedule, and confirmed myself that i had just added up another embarassing moment in my life. right then, that friend of mine came to me, apparently aware that i can never be his classmate, asking me why am i there. haha. i knew my face was already red at that time, but i kept a cool face, struggling to get out of there as fast as i could, said to him that i've mistakenly confused the lecture rooms.

tapi gile aa. to know that the real lecture room was actually at the medical school was really frustating la. i actually had to walk to the other end of the university, and at that time, it was already 5 minutes past noon, but unfortunately, i managed to get there before the european guy started his lecture. so yeah, lucky me the embarassment stops there. =)

okay lah. tu je nak cite. hehe. nak sambung buat tutorial jap, then i'm off to bed. bye loves. :)

the raging hormones.

2009-02-26T06:21:00.002+10:30

[leavin' - jesse mccartney]

have you ever seen something so cute that it hurts the second time you look at it? i don't know if hurt is the right word, but there appears to be this unsettling feeling when you look at it. so unsettling that it almost hurts, i think.
no?
you have no idea what i'm saying, do you?

*pfft*
abaikan. it's the hormones talking.

it's 4.14am and i am still not a tad sleepy. i guess my hypothalamus forgot to release those natural sleeping pills. or she's just confused about when to give me those pills because lately i'm feeling sleepy at the wrong times. @0@ mata hazerq dah jadi cam panda. :(

don't play play la players!

2009-02-24T17:47:00.003+10:30

[planetarium - ai otsuka (OST hana yori dango)]

i don't quite understand complicated relationships. i mean, if you're happy when you're with that particular someone, and with no doubt, that someone feels the same way too, why are they still saying their relationship is complicated? what is so complicated about a guy and a girl who likes each other, and both parties are aware of what the other is feeling? seriously?

okay, maybe i'm a little bit too biased on this, because i don't know how it really feels like to be in their position, but still! what i really detest is when both parties intentionally put their relationship to the test. you know that someone likes you and you know that someone will get jealous if you flirt with other people, but you still do it so that you can really see how that someone will react. what la. i really don't like it. because in doing so, you're not only crushing that one person's feelings, but also the ones that you're showing hopes to. what if the other person happens to actually fall for you? kan dah susah.

anyways, just for the record, this doesn't mean i'm in any of the positions above. it's just something that i generally feel, based on the stories i often heard from the people around me. so don't come to me asking who why when and where, because i definitely don't have the answers, okay? :)

okay. tu je. nak makan. bye bye loves. :)